Massive Orkness

Aaaand I'm off, slogging through the mobs of Massive Darkness so I can get to the good stuff before Christmas.

Orksodus: Savage Orcs vs Warriors of Chaos

Prologue

Bonekrunk Stonesplitter wiped his axe on the cloak of the dead captain. The humans had fought hard for these heaps of rock, but he couldn't understand why. The stonework may have been impressively big, like an enormous hut, but it was too square, too enclosed, the walls too flat and featureless. It didn't even have any idols carved onto them. His lads could put that right, but there was no time: the Shaman wanted them on the move.

Wurrzag Ud Ura Zahubu had found his Waaagh! less than a month ago. The Shaman had told them it was the will of Gork (or possibly Mork) that they take him north, out of the Badlands and into the lands beyond. These were soft lands, full of tilled fields and stone houses. The 'Bored Princes' they were called. But the enemies they met hadn't seemed like princes, or bored. Just terrified and squishy.

Bonekrunk wandered among his celebrating lads. Some were still ripping trinkets from their defeated enemies, a few had started a chariot race, others were harvesting bones for decoration and flinging the offcut flesh to the Dusty, their pet river troll. He found Wurrzag in the centre of the excitement, crossed-legged, a hum of green energy about him.

Bonekrunk cleared his throat nosily. Two flares of yellow-green appeared from behind the eye sockets of Wurrzag's mask, and the Shaman turned to him.

"Anuvver army comin'" he warned.

"Good," snorted Bonekrunk. "More krumpin' for us."

"Ain't like dese 'umans. Dey is ironshod," Wurrzag intoned in a distant voice. "Dey are stronger, 'arder, and wiv mighty creatures fighting fer them."

Bonekrunk spat. "Don't matter much. Krumpin' is krumpin'. No-one is 'arder dan my ladz."

To the north, the clouds of dust sifted apart to reveal an army. By the tributary of a poisonous-looking river, massed ranks of armoured warriors had gathered, surrounded by metal chariots, a deformed giant and what appeared to be a flying kayak.

"Don't let dem get past dis boundary," said Wurrzag. "Dey shall not pass. Dat is da will of Gork."

The freshly cleaned stone axe scraped against his bone club, and Bonekrunk was ready to fight. "Ere we go," he said with determination.

"Or possibly Mork," the shaman added.

It's Time to Play the Music!

It's Time to Light the Lights!

It's Time to Meet Some Muppets

'Cos it's

ALL-SKYPE FIGHT NIGHT TONIGHT!

Savage Garden Leave

My Savage Orc army project is now officially wrapped. Actually, they were done in time for WoffBoot VIII, but I hadn't got around to taking a full army shot as the piece de resistance...

Et voilàaagh!

By my calculations, this represents over a quarter of my eventual Waaagh!, although I'm fairly certain the remaining contingents won't be as painted in such a structured way - I'll just grab whatever I fancy out of the leadpile and see where we end up.

Da Monstaaagh! Mash: Savage Orcs vs Warriors of Chaos

It's All-Skype Fight Night!

Prebattle

My turn to host the SkypeBoot, and that meant only one thing: up into the attic to blow the cobwebs off the Big Board!

The foundation of our 6th Edition battles.

After printing out all the spell cards for Big Waaagh! and Little Waaagh! (why, GW, why wouldn't you just sell them to me?), I became quite industrious with cardboard cut-outs. 

I've long-coveted Gen East's Arc of Visibility, and finding none in the online stores, went ahead and printed my own:

I See You.

As well as some Animosity Counters, to remind me which of my units were squabbling.

My hopes weren't high.

Forces

I knew I'd likely be facing a lot of tough infantry, so went for an army of cunning brutality (rather than brutal cunning).

• The Big 'Uns have never let me down yet, so I went with a whopping 32 of them (I thought a horde formation would be too unwieldy - and most of my attacks come from the front rank anyway - so I went 7-wide, which would allow for manoeuvre, but also maximise attacks against any 5-wide unit)
• An 8-strong unit of Trolls was my other big hitter. I've never used Trolls in these numbers before, but if they could do what they were told, they could be awesomely effective.
• The small unit of Boarboys was just to clear away any chaff units that might upset/redirect my big units.
• The Giant to perform a similar role - hold up a flank, or stop any nasty monsters getting to my main units.
• And finally a chariot, because they usually come in handy for support.
• My general was a Lv 4 Shaman, kitted out with the optimum combination to boost the Big 'Uns and protect himself (if I could cast Fists of Gork as well, he'd be something of a combat monster himself)
• I took a Battle Standard, as I needed the leadership to restrain Frenzy and keep the Trolls from going stupid.
• I also added another Big Boss to the unit, partly to have someone to accept challenges (and keep my General and BSB safe) - I also had it in mind that he could leave the unit and lead the Trolls, if needed (like if my General suddenly expired).

For spells, I rolled Brain Bursta, 'Eadbutt, Fists of Gork (yay!) and 'Ere We Go. A decent enough mix, although it's been a while since I went to battle without Foot of Gork (must be getting its verrucas seen to).

Da 'Eavy Mob

Go big, or go home.
And I was already playing at home.

Skullfink da Arkane, Savage Orc Shaman Lord – Lvl 4, Lucky Shrinken Head. Fencer's Blades Obsidian Trinket

Noggchoppa, Savage Orc Big Boss BSB - Great Weapon, Standard of Discipline

Rokhamma, Savage Orc Big Boss - Additional hand weapon. Potion of Speed
32 x Savage Orc Big 'Uns - Additional hand weapon, Big Stabba, Full Command
5 x Savage Orc Boar Boyz - Spears, Shields. Musician
1 x Boar Chariot

8 x Common Trolls

1 x Giant

1600

My opponent was to be Kraken, who will be representing himself in bold type.

Shadows 'n' Marauders

Finally, an army I could take my heavy infantry blocks against without a grim feeling of futility! Merely cautious anxiety instead. Orcs and Goblins can hit just as hard as Warriors in close combat, and are an unpredictable foe at the best of times. 

• Savage Orcs would mean a massive pack of naked savages. What better to meet them than an even more massive pack of naked savages? Fifty vanilla marauders, please. 
• Two units of WoCs, for versatility and general menace
• Another crack with the SlaanOgres, as flank guards
• Nothing says 'I'm going to kill the giant I suspect will make an appearance' like a Daemon Prince of Khorne. With wings, for flanking. 
• Lore of Shadows has good spells for nerfing tough, strong foes. Or outright killing them with initiative tests. A level 2 sorceror for that. 
• Battle standard bearer and banner of discipline would be needed - with the general flying around bellowing and killing, I'd need the leadership bonuses to hold a line.
• Spawn! Because they're rubbish but entertaining, and I reckoned they might work to disrupt or hold off flankers for a bit. I had a susicion those painted river trolls I'd seen might be coming out, so some fiery Tzeentch spawn to burn them and a nippy Slaanesh spawn to tickle them. 

All those marks of Slaanesh and naked marauders made me decide this is clearly a fairly S&M army, hence its title. Makes me uncomfortable, though. Good old fashioned Tzeentchians next time round for me. 

I got the full Edgar Allen of spells - both Pit of Shades and Penumbral Pendulum. Getting both off in one turn would probably be unlikely, though, so I swapped the Pendulum for Melkoth's Mystifying Miasma - good synergy between the two. By firing a cheaper miasma off I could potentially burn dispel dice for a knockout punch.

Matt Daemon, Daemon Prince - Chaos armour, Daemon of Khorne, Daemonic Flight, Soul Feeder
Kelmoth Shadepit, Chaos Sorcerer - Lv 2 Shadow, Dispel Scroll, Enchanted Shield
Jerek Darkoby, Exalted Hero BSB - Standard of Discipline
50 x Chaos Marauders - Full Command
10 x Warriors of Chaos - Shields, Full Command
10 x Warriors of Chaos - Shields, Full Command
4 x Chaos Ogres - Mark of Slaanesh
1 x Chaos Spawn - Spawn of Slaanesh
1 x Chaos Spawn - Spawn of Tzeench

1600

In Glorious Technicolour

In Close Proximity

Savage Orc Tournament, Day #2: Fools Rasher In

vs Ogres 

This was more promising, Skullfink thought. Ogres weren't like those other sneaky armies: they got stuck in for proper bashing, orc-style. He was so pleased to see the brutish mobs lumbering towards them, he dropped the Foot of Gork on the Ironguts as a welcome.

The surviving Ironguts took fright at this, but just to show there were no hard feelings, the other ogres responded with a couple of cannonballs that peppered the boarboyz and felled a few Big 'Uns. Marvellous fun!

After the formalities were over, it was time to get to the real business of the day. Da Bone 'Eadz were set to dance with the Bruiser-led Bulls, and Skullfink would hate to arrive underdressed. With a swift prayer to Gork, he acquired a pair of monstrous fists that fitted over his mitts like outsize gloves.

The Big 'Uns crashed into the Bulls and started thumping away. Skullfink's massive fists wielded a pair of delicate fencer's blades (long-since looted from an elf corpse) to cut a bloody swathe through their enemies. To his left, a unit of boarboyz also tried to charge down the cannon-wielding ogres, only to disappear in a cloud of grey smoke, leaving only the smell of gunpowder and barbecued pork.

What remained of the ogres quickly gave up the fight and were run down, but Skullfink did not have to look far for more dancing partners. The rhinox-driven cannon smashed into their front, just as the recently-rallied Ironguts thumped into their side.

In a frenzy of attacks, the savage orcs beat down and chased off both units, before calling down Gork's wrath to crush the remaining Leadbelchers.

Skullfink lifted his ramhorn helmet and wiped the sweat from his brow. Now that was a battle!

Savage Orc Tournament, Day #1: Ham Fisted

Vs Daemons of Khorne

Bigtrotta rocked back comfortably on the saddle of his boar, Gumpdrop. He had managed to slip away from that over-cautious shaman, Skullfink, and gathered enough of the lads together for some proper bashing.

Across the field, the blood-red daemons gnashed their pointy teeth in barely-contained anticipation of the slaughter. Bigtrotta vaguely remembered Skullfink warning him about how dangerous red daemons could be, and how they had annihilated another Waaagh! not so long ago.

But that didn't matter, since these surely couldn't be the same red-bellied combat monsters with chariot-driven cannons. What were odds of that happening?

"'Ere they come!" warned Pigwaaagh, a lesser shaman who had been sent by Skullfink to spy on his boarboyz. Bigtrotta looked and, sure enough, a host of the red devils were advancing towards them, led by what appeared to be a monstrous hound.

"Right ladz, let's get started," Bigtrotta dug in his heels, but before his mount could put forward one trotter, it abruptly stopped. Bigtrotta turned around to see one of the other boars had started biting on Gumdrop's tail. He punched the impudent pig on the snout, then added another punch for its owner. All the other boarboyz joined in with the squabble, the horde of daemons quite forgotten.

That old familiar feeling....

Big Stabbas, Big Finish

And so the Savage Orc Waaagh! is complete. I have painted and converted every unit I wanted, and it's all been done by the WoffBoot deadline.

Except, except, except...

I still have three models remaining from my original leadpile (four models, if you include impulse purchases):

• A musician (I already have four of the same)
• A standard bearer (two of the same)
• A shaman (one other, plus I don't need any more Big Waaagh! magic)
• A big boss (unique, but if I did need extra characters, they wouldn't look so skippy)

Look who's in the Reject Bin: the Raggy Dolls of my Savage Orcs.

Now, a rational person might just pop them on eBay (or back into the leadpile), declare the army finished and be quite glad about it. But I promised myself at the start of this project (in the heady days of September 2012) that I would use each and every model I had amassed, so rationality was going for a Burton.

Also I realised that, despite having a fairly hefty Savage Orc army, I lacked their new unit upgrade: the Big Stabba.

Clippers out.

Da Dry Gulchas

Trolls!

Not the bad kind that make opprobrious comments on the internet; but the good kind, who chew your legs off and spew corrosive vomit. Who doesn't love a troll?

I already have half a dozen of the old metal Stone Trolls, so you could argue that my troll needs are well-catered for. However, when I saw a complete set of old metal River Trolls, erroneously titled 'Swamp Trolls' (and thus finding no other bidders), I had to pounce.

Not pictured: Swamp Trolls

Da 'Awk Eyes

"Da sneakiest Orcses wiv da keenest senses, Da 'Awk Eyes stalk da grassland beasts and fills dem full of arrers. Dakka dakka dakka!"

"Also, dey paintz a band across da eyes, which iz symbolic of the Empedoclesian principle of vision. Waaagh!"

Dakka! Dakka! Dakka!
(Twang! Twang! Twang!)

Thus I finish the Savage Orc Arrer Boyz, possibly the most enjoyable painting for the least effective unit in my army (that said, I hear Boar Boyz are supposed to stink in 8th Ed too...)

The Green Arrows

"Wot is dis fing?" Tuk shook the long stick in his hand. The bit of string attached to either end wobbled. “Bit frail for a choppa.”

“It’s a bow, innit?” said Kosnaagh, pleased with the high-tech weaponry he had acquired for the lads. “Shoots arrers, dunnit?”

“Arrers?” Tuk scratched his behind with the tip of his bow. “Wot do we want wiv arrers? We should be krumping, like proper orcses.”

“Elly-ment of surprise,” Kosnaagh explained. “It is the last fing dem gits will expect.”

Tuk looked across the battlefield. The humies in the metal armour were advancing towards them with slow, steady steps. He had to admit, they probably weren’t expecting a big mob of savage orcs to stand still and plink uselessly at them.

“We iz luring dem,” Kosnaagh went on, “into a false sense of security.”

Tuk looked at his slender bow. He looked at his arrow made from twigs, a flint head and a few raggedy feathers. He looked at the thick plates of armour covering the humies from head to toe.

“Boss, I fink we iz luring dem into a real sense of security.”

The one with the unconvincing accent is Kosnaagh.

Savage Orc Arrer Boyz - they're no better shots than goblins, they don't get extra hand weapons to maximise their melee lethality, and as soon as their target is in short range, they'll want to throw away their bows and charge - in other words: business as usual for the greenskin general.

How To Get Ahead With Battle Standards

It was about time my Savage Orcs had a Battle Standard; a dominating centrepiece to strike fear into the hearts of the enemy, and give the army something to rally around:

Hmmm.
I have to say, it's not really that impressive...

Oh, I see.

Shamans - They're Grrrrreat!

I've been looking forward to this one for a while: my original Savage Orc shaman. Now he's got a couple of shaman flunkies, I decided to promote him to a Great Shaman.

Being just an infantry model, I thought he needed something to show his elevated status, so I made him a little cairn to stand upon.

The rocks are cunningly sculpted from rock.

Da 'Am Fists

"Da fastest and da smelliest Orcses. Dey rides about wiv da pork choppas, in one big rack, or two streaky rashers."

"Also, dey paintz a stripe down the middle of their 'eads, which iz symbolic of the Aristotelian principle of da golden mean. Waaagh!"

After much painting and assembling, all the Savage Orc Boar Boyz are now done. My original plan was just to smarten up the paint scheme of the handful I already had, and maybe switch around the banner and shields.

I should know by now that my meticulous (*cough* obsessive compulsive *cough*) streak would take over. And once I had the new boars on the chariots, I was always going to go the whole hog.

As for the new boars themselves - they make fantastic remounts (luckily the old metals fit onto them - I never thought to check), although their dynamic 'leaping forth' nature makes them a real pain to rank up (as do their long tails). This was why I had to assemble them all in one go, but I think magnets will help to keep them in place.

PIGS! ... IN! ...SPACE! THREE RANKS!

Th'Orc For The Day

I have arrived at a conclusion as to why this Savage Orc army seems to be taking such a long time to complete...

I'd get there faster if I stopped buying more of the damn things on eBay.

"Put him in the Dettol bath!"

This particular Savage Orc Big Boss stormed my letterbox this morning. It's the only command model of the '92 metal range that I haven't got - and so I really didn't have a choice in the matter.

In fact, totting up the collection, I have almost all of that savage orc range: command, boyz, arrer boyz and boar boyz. A total of 41 different models (we're not talking about the subsequent 7-type monopose range of change-a-weapon-and-repeat).

I'm short just 3 infantry models, that are apparently so unpopular (or carefully hoarded) that I've never even seen them on the market.

Of course, the army's complete now. So even if I saw them, I wouldn't want them. No sir, not at all...

Pigaro qua, Pigaro la

Remind me to never again to take on fifteen models in one go...

(And yes, I realise that statement sounds incredibly wussy after Kraken's 50-model romp through the zombies. A Rompie, if you will)

I usually like to paint in smaller groups, finishing them entirely before moving on. However, this project required everything to be assembled in one go - the new boars are nice, but they are hell to rank up - so fifteen boar boys it was, and it feels like it's lasted an age.

First up, the spear-armed boar boys...

You may recognise the middle one from September 2012

Three conversions here: a musician and a standard bearer demoted to the ranks.
The one on the right just had a weapon swap, so doesn't feel so bad about it.

Bringing Home The Bacon

Ten weeks until WoffBoot VIII? Damn, I'd better get painting!

My Savage Orc Waaagh! trundles along, slowly but inexorably, and next on the list are the Boar Boyz.

Half of them are taken from the leadpile, while the other half were painted up fifteen years ago and in dire need of a makeover.

Primary colours, photocopied banner, transfer stickers on the shields... the '90s was one crazy decade

I recall the 'singed effect' on the base of the banner was created by running a cigarette lighter beneath it. I was 20 at the time, which is a sad indictment of our higher education system.

I was planning on just repainting and rebasing these boys in accordance with the rest of my army. That was until I found the new-style boars (the ones that, radically, look like boars) for my chariots - and once they saw them, everyone wanted one.

After scrounging around the bitz stores, I was able to gather enough new plastic boars to remount my entire unit.

OINK! OINK!

Da Tally of Ouch-Makin'

The dust has settled on WoofBoot VII, and once again, I engage in the traditional naval-gazing of my army...

(as opposed to the army-gazing of my navy, which I seldom do)

Bonekrunk Stonesplitter

Savage Orc Warboss

168 points

Battle Honours

Great Eagle, Glade Guard, Dryads, Hell Pit Abomination, Chaos Ogres, Hammerers.

As with the preceding greenskin army, I couldn't resist the temptation to go for full warboss (the model helped swing my decision) and he proved to be something of a mauler in close combat.

While he would be expected to shatter the fragile elves, he also had no trouble taking down Monsters, Monstrous Infantry (single-handed, when there was nothing else for it) or Elite Infantry. You name it, he'd pick up his six S6 dice and pound it to gristle.

... assuming he lived long enough to strike a blow, that is. Poor Bonekrunk died in three of the five battles - two of which were in close combat (I'll overlook the unfortunate final turn when a crossbow volley of five '1's managed to pluck him out the ranks). Both K'zak's killing blow and Queek's barrage of special rules were enough to bring him down - although I think both would have struggled to endure his counter-strokes. So next time, I'd want to look at an Initiative-booster, like the Golden Sigil Sword.

As for his other qualities. I forgot to use his Waaagh! power in all but one of my battles (very bad time to remember a one-off special rule - heading into a crucial fight when the blood's pumping), and I didn't notice his Ld 9, which implies I was passing a lot of tests, making it an invaluable asset.

Final Grade

Bring 'Em On.

Savage Orcs vs Dwarves: The Fate of Gazarkhame

Big Pikkle blew gently on the slow match, bringing the burning tip to a bright orange glow. "How long before the charges detonate?" Little Pikkle asked him.

"Grungi alone knows," said Big Pikkle. The dwarven expedition had fought hard to get to the depths of Gazarkhame, suffering many defeats on the way.

Already the warp-spawned daemons controlled the upper levels, having beaten off every other contender. But if the dwarves could seal the entrance to this accursed hold, then their work would be done. It was only a matter of time.

"Holy greenskins!" shouted Little Pikkle. "Orcs!"

"Thrice-cursed savages!" Big Pikkle tore at his beard. The bitterest of their foes had chosen a fine moment to offer battle. He picked up his axe. "I shall lead out the hammerers to delay them. Our war machines will cover us. You must stay and defend the mining tower. Keep out the Grobi until the fuses blow, no matter what."

The Dwarves girded themselves for the final battle. Even at the cost of their lives, Gazarkhame must be buried.

Savage Orcs vs Warriors of Chaos: No Guts, No Glory

Bonekrunk scratched at the stitches around his neck. That stunty treasure couldn't be far off now, and yet another army had turned up to contest for it. In the dank caverns beneath the earth, his Waaagh! had been confronted by...

... well, he didn't know what they were. There was a bit of everything in this army. Marauder horsemen, dragon ogres, armoured warriors, chaos hounds and ogre bulls. No point in trying anything fancy, he decided. Just get stuck in and thump whatever's in front of you.

The chariot and giant both raced forward, eager to start fighting. But Ramgut's lads were dragging their feet again, arguing the toss over something or other. Bonekrunk was having doubts about his shaman's reliability, a feeling that wasn't assuaged when the Shaman suddenly bodged his spell and wounded himself with his own magical feedback.

Savage Orcs vs Skaven: Challenging Times

"Rats," spat Bonekrunk Stonesplitter.

"Wot's da matter?" asked Ramgut, eyeing his warboss for a sign of weakness.

"Rats," Bonekrunk pointed to the far end of the cavern. Two regiments of Skaven had emerged from the side tunnels of the Gazarkhame, almost as if they had been waiting for them.

One of the units was unusually well-ordered and clad in good armour, more like 'ooman soldiers than ratmen. Lumbering out before both troops was a disgusting mass of warped flesh - an Abomination from the dreaded Hell Pit.

"Scared, boss?" Shaman Ramgut was wondering if, once again, he would need to take charge of the Waaagh!

"Stoopid runt!" Bonekrunk clouted the shaman accross the head. "I ain't scared a' no squeaky warpstone-chewers! Now git over to Da Brave 'Arts and hold da flank. I'm taking da lads down the middle."