Savage Orc Tournament, Day #2: Fools Rasher In

vs Ogres 

This was more promising, Skullfink thought. Ogres weren't like those other sneaky armies: they got stuck in for proper bashing, orc-style. He was so pleased to see the brutish mobs lumbering towards them, he dropped the Foot of Gork on the Ironguts as a welcome.

The surviving Ironguts took fright at this, but just to show there were no hard feelings, the other ogres responded with a couple of cannonballs that peppered the boarboyz and felled a few Big 'Uns. Marvellous fun!

After the formalities were over, it was time to get to the real business of the day. Da Bone 'Eadz were set to dance with the Bruiser-led Bulls, and Skullfink would hate to arrive underdressed. With a swift prayer to Gork, he acquired a pair of monstrous fists that fitted over his mitts like outsize gloves.

The Big 'Uns crashed into the Bulls and started thumping away. Skullfink's massive fists wielded a pair of delicate fencer's blades (long-since looted from an elf corpse) to cut a bloody swathe through their enemies. To his left, a unit of boarboyz also tried to charge down the cannon-wielding ogres, only to disappear in a cloud of grey smoke, leaving only the smell of gunpowder and barbecued pork.

What remained of the ogres quickly gave up the fight and were run down, but Skullfink did not have to look far for more dancing partners. The rhinox-driven cannon smashed into their front, just as the recently-rallied Ironguts thumped into their side.

In a frenzy of attacks, the savage orcs beat down and chased off both units, before calling down Gork's wrath to crush the remaining Leadbelchers.

Skullfink lifted his ramhorn helmet and wiped the sweat from his brow. Now that was a battle!

Savage Orc Tournament, Day #1: Ham Fisted

Vs Daemons of Khorne

Bigtrotta rocked back comfortably on the saddle of his boar, Gumpdrop. He had managed to slip away from that over-cautious shaman, Skullfink, and gathered enough of the lads together for some proper bashing.

Across the field, the blood-red daemons gnashed their pointy teeth in barely-contained anticipation of the slaughter. Bigtrotta vaguely remembered Skullfink warning him about how dangerous red daemons could be, and how they had annihilated another Waaagh! not so long ago.

But that didn't matter, since these surely couldn't be the same red-bellied combat monsters with chariot-driven cannons. What were odds of that happening?

"'Ere they come!" warned Pigwaaagh, a lesser shaman who had been sent by Skullfink to spy on his boarboyz. Bigtrotta looked and, sure enough, a host of the red devils were advancing towards them, led by what appeared to be a monstrous hound.

"Right ladz, let's get started," Bigtrotta dug in his heels, but before his mount could put forward one trotter, it abruptly stopped. Bigtrotta turned around to see one of the other boars had started biting on Gumdrop's tail. He punched the impudent pig on the snout, then added another punch for its owner. All the other boarboyz joined in with the squabble, the horde of daemons quite forgotten.

That old familiar feeling....

WoffBoot VIII

“Nanny knows best.”

	VsWoC	Vs DoC	Vs DE	Vs Lz	Vs SO	Vs OK	TOTAL
Chaos Warriors	-	2	17	7	15	18	59
Daemons	18	-	9	12	15	4	58
Dark Elves	3	11	-	18	10	16	58
Lizardmen	13	8	2	-	14	18	55
Savage Orcs	5	5	10	6	-	15	41
Ogres	2	16	4	2	5	-	29

Storm and Calm

Odeou chuckled to himself.

The campsite was carnage. He could hear the screams from his hiding place, a good couple of miles distant. Sinister lightnings flickered from low clouds, underlit in the night by burning tents. Shadows flickered along the sides of the valley as warmachine and wizard alike erupted with the pent-up violence that had simmered all along under the unnatural misery his generals had laboured under.

He could hear the shrill keening of witch elves, ululating as they slaughtered. And the presence of demons sent flickering shudders up his back. The gods were watching, all right. He could almost see their faces in the thunderheads.

In his lap, the frozen tears were slowly sliding back together. It was too soon to say exactly whose brow they might adorn. Odeou had his hopes, though.

Hunchbacked and bitter though he was, he was still kin to the greenskins. The primitive tribal orcs he'd recruited were hopelessly outmatched in the thick of the melee, despite their brutal strength. The other generals might be unwinding after months of repression, but they still had some elegance, some finesse in their violence. The orcs were killing each other as often as they killed anything else.

Odeou just hoped there would be enough of them left over to finish the Grey.

Losers

Odeou Shabapnup grimaced. It was no good, he just wasn't miserable enough.

Hard to admit to himself, but the hobgoblin shaman knew what defeat looked like only too well. And here he was again, staring right at it.

He'd been great once. Master of a mighty collection of tribes, his word had ruled the actions of what was nearly civilisation. Unusual, for his people. Usually they either served or were dinner for the larger or more organised creatures found out in the wilderness. But unique amongst the hobgoblins, he had forged something that was almost an empire.

Then the Empire had come.

The Red Falcons

Speaking of army lists, here's what I'd pick for the defence of Rotefalk!

The Grey, a Battle Wizard @289 points, with

• Level 4 Lore of Shadows
• Barded Warhorse
• Power Scroll
• Dispel Scroll

Marshall Portrauber, an Empire General @168 points, with

• Pistol
• Full plate
• Barded warhorse 
• Armour of Fortune

The Grandmaster of the Rotefalk Riders, a Grand Master @161 points, with

• Great weapon

Sergeant Cash, a Captain of the Empire @155 points, with

• Battle Standard Bearer
• The Griffon Standard
• Handgun
• Heavy armour
• Shield

The Red Falcon, Bright Battle Wizard @80 points, with

• Sceptre of Stability

Master Gunner Jorgun Grise, a master engineer @85 points, with

• Hochland Long Rifle

Rev. Lukas Tochblauster, a Warrior Priest @70 points, with

• Enchanted Shield

Septon Gervase, a Warrior Priest @65 points

Bodo Scharfricht, a Witch Hunter @80 points, with

• Ruby Ring of Ruin
• Brace of Pistols

The Falconeers, a unit of 50 Halberdiers @740 points, with

• Shields
• Full Command
• A Detachment of 20 Crossbowmen
• A Detachment of 20 Handgunners

The Rotefalk Riders, a unit of 15 Empire Knights @360 points, with

• Full Command

The Red Portcullis, a unit of 20 Greatswords @405 points, with

• Full Command
• Lichbone Pennant
• 2 Detachments of 10 archers each

Ermintrude, a Great Cannon @120 points

Meinhilde, a Great Cannon @120 points

Roswitha, a Mortar @100 points

TOTAL - 2998

You could consider this a 'historical' list - no scouts or outriders, as per the fluff, and plenty of characters that would be propping up the bar in the Wyrdfire. I haven't really checked it through carefully, so please keep me honest if you spot flagrant rules avoidance or spurious maths. I'm prone to both.

On the off-chance that this sequence of fights ever gets played, I'd also suggest that one-shot items in this list are gone once they're used and not replenished; also that once the spells are rolled in the first match only and persisted with afterwards. 

These are suggestions, of course, I'm sure it would be tough enough just getting through six back-to-back battles! 

Aim for the Black

Aha! I found those lists I wrote. For the sake of posterity/posturing, here's a closer look at what I would have brought. Pics once I've taken them, I've just cleaned the kitchen and I can't face my wife's smirking as I pose the tiny people just now.

Woffboot VIII Lists

• Tzeentchian Sorcery
• Lord of Khorne
• Marauder Hoard
• Shaggothic Horror
• Spawntide
• Riders (optional)

A – Tzeentchians

Chaos Sorceror – Level 2 wizard, Mark/Lore of Tzeentch, Disc of Tzeentch (190)

Chaos Sorceror – Level 1 wizard, Mark/Lore of Tzeentch, Gorebeast Chariot (255)

25 Marauders    – Mark of Tzeentch, light armour and shields, full command (280)

10 WoC - Shields, Mark of Tzeentch, St. Bearer + Gl. Pennant (165)

A Chariot - (110)

Giant of Chaos - (200)

TOTAL  - 1200

The Real Problem

Hours had passed by the time Cash managed to pry himself away from the Wyrdfire Club.

It was dark outside, the night clamped across the top of the battlements of Rotefalk like a shutter on a lamp. The torches on the walls looked pitiful, the sentries below them even smaller.

From a certain point of view, the problem he faced was fascinating.

The Rotefalk Crisis

On arriving at the Wyrdfire Club, the soldier handed his hat, gloves and overcoat to the strangely-proportioned flunky at the door. With a gurn and a wink, the flunky handed him his mask before vanishing his official uniform into a backroom. The soldier placed a shilling in the tip jar and donned his ivory mask.

While he was here, his real name and rank were irrelevant.  Here, he was Cash, and he could relax. He made his way through the heavy curtain to the Members' Bar.

It had been a long, hot day at Rotefalk Fortress. Trying to drill a largely rookie regiment into some kind of shape in the face of the crisis was beyond impossible, and the sticky heat wasn't helping. A large cold Genever and Fizz in a peaceful leather armchair was called for. But as he passed through the darkened passageway and into the main lounge, he stopped dead.

The bar was full. It was a small room, to be fair, really only to provide some semblance of a retreat for the officer class and a few select NCOs. For Rotefalk, a relatively tiny outpost on the far south of Blackfire Pass, that meant around twenty regulars or so.

All of them were already here.

Forces of Chaos, Bow to Me!

With the inclusion of the good ship Bully's Special Prize, my army for this year's Woffboot is now complete. Wish they were actually going to be there. Sigh. 

Look at what you could have won

The photos below include no models that I wasn't going to field in one of my five army lists. Not all at once, obviously, that would be hilarious cheating.

Tallest at the back

Mutantiest at the other back

I've had my putative army lists somewhere, but I seem to have lost the file. From what I recall, I had the following themes: -

• Khornate, led by Daemon Prince, lots of marked troops
• Tzeentchian, with multiple mounted Sorcerors, lots of marked troops
• Marauder Horde, with all fifty, the warshrine, both chariots and I think an Archaon wannabe
• Heavy Heavy Infantry, with Shaggoth, two units of Warriors and the Chosen
• Mutant Capabilities, with both Mutalith and Warshrine to max my chances of bonus spawn or princes

Blancvik? Is that you?