Monday, 29 April 2013

Savage Orcs vs Wood Elves: Gork Steps In

They must be getting close to the stunty treasure now, Shaman Ramgut thought, because the pointy eared tree-huggers had come out to play. He could see the puny units of archers and tree-people flitting around on the other side of the battlefield.

To his left, Bonekrunk Stonesplitter clattered forward, accompanied by the chariot and the giant, eager to get close. But after the disastrous start to their Waaagh!, Ramgut wasn't going to trust their bone-headed boss to do anything right. If they were going to win this battle, he would have to take charge.

Calling upon the power of Mork, he sought out the pointy-eared spellsinger who led the Wood Elf army. Ramgut saw the elf's surprise as crackling Waaagh! energy appeared in front of her and formed the shape of a grinning orc's head.

"'Ullo darlin'." Ramgut's avatar said, before deliving a magical headbutt that smashed the elf into the ground. Looking through the magical eyes, Ramgut saw a troop of elf archers take fright at the fall of their leader and flee into the woods.

Inspired by his example, the Waaagh! ploughed forward. Busta, da Big Green, locked the tree monsters into combat, holding them up long enough for the chariot to charge in and grind them into matchwood.

Smashing through the great eagle in a shower of feathers, Bonekrunk led his Big 'Uns against the remaining group of archers, slaughtering them to an elf (as if that was so difficult to do, Ramgut snorted). The victorious orcs swung around and mobbed up against a group of the dryad creatures, wiping them out too.

Then came a shout from Bunka, the leader of Da Brave 'Arts. While Ramgut had been watching the battle, two groups of dryads had sneaked around and were trying to surround them. Gnashing his tusks at their bloody cheek, Ramgut swept around his bone staff and called upon the power of Gork to sort them out.

More crackling Waaagh energy apppeared in the skies, forming the shape of a massive taloned foot above one of the tree people. The foot stamped down, smashing the dryads to splinters.

"Waaagh!" cried Ramgut, feeling the power of the gods at his scaly fingertips. "More stomping!"

At his command, the foot came down again, crushing the other unit of dryads until half of them were ground into the dirt.

"More!" screamed Ramgut, his eyes blazing with green fire. "More, more! Stomp AGAIN!"

"Uhhh... boss?" said Bunka nervously. A shadow had fallen over the mob of savage orcs and, when Ramgut looked up, he saw that Gork had chosen them for his next target. The magical foot plummeted like a falling stone, and fell square on Da Brave 'Arts with an ear-splitting 'krump!'.

Picking himself up, Ramgut shook off the dust and look around. Almost half the mob had been squashed by their fickle god. The remains of the two dryad units were closing in from both sides, their talons cruelly sharp and their expressions vengeful. The last thing he saw was Bonekrunk Stonesplitter, far across the battlefield, hooting with laughter.

1 comment: