Nobody Expects The Orkquistion: Orks vs Inquisition

Our Chief Weapons are Surprise, Ruthless Efficiency and Fright!
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I, Stylus, will continue our tour of 8th Edition Warhammer 40k with an army of mine that hasn't seen action since 1992 - the Orks! Some of the original models (with their original paint jobs) will feature, along with some of the most outrageous proxy models we have ever used. Waaaagh!

Mission

Maelstrom of War: Spoils of War - we're delving into the Objective Cards (I really like these) and this mission allows you a maximum of three per turn. Both sides can compete for 'Secure Objective X' cards, and whoever has more of these at the end of the turn gets an additional victory point.

In addition, there are the usual First Blood, Slay the Warlord and Linbreaker rules. We also added the house rule that objectives that would have been impossible to achieve from the start of the game (i.e. Scour the Skies against the Ork player) may be discarded.

Armies

Nozz-Taal Ghaaagh! - Orks

Oh dear, I was afraid you'd ask about this.

Not having owned a 40k army for the past seven editions, I was a bit stuck for choices, and my selection was based on what might look half-decent on the pitch.

I managed to unearth my original Space Orks (£11.99 for 36 x multi-pose plastics. Stop crying), so despite their hideous appearance, they were an auto-include. As was the mighty Battlewagon - which is still an awesome model, albeit the size of a Trukk nowadays.

Command models were made up with Ironjawz, who port over quite nicely, and Moria Goblins made a nice big mob of Grots, who'll never live long enough to matter anyway.

• HQ 1 - Warboss in Mega Armour, Kustom Shoota, Power Klaw, Warlord (Tenacious Survivor)
• HQ 2 - Weirdboy, Weirdboy Staff, Smite & Da Jump
• HQ 3 - Big Mek, Kustom Force Field, Choppa, Grot Oiler
• Elite 1 - Runtherd, Slugga, Squig Hound
• Elite 2 - Nob with Waaagh! Banner, Kustom Shoota, Waaagh! Banner
• Elite 3 - 3 x Meganobz, 2 x Power Klaw, 2 x Kombi Weapon with Skorcha, 1 x Two Killsaws
• Troop 1 - 20 x Boyz, Sluggas, Choppas, 2 x Rokkit Launcha, 1 x Power Klaw
• Troop 2 - 10 x Boyz, Shootas, 1 x Big Shoota
• Troop 3 - 25 Gretchin, Grot Blasta
• Transport 1 - Trukk, Big Shoota, Wreckin' Ball

1000 pts - Battalion Detachment

Inquisition

Well, if we're playing the nostalgia card, then I'm going with Inquisitors. Kraken here, remembering the glory of bygone days. The sole remnants of my 40K collection (I once had four armies, dontcha know), I've still got a vague idea of them leading a restored force for modern 40K. So in fact this army list was one I theoryhammered together earlier this year, just before the Indexes came out. 

• HQ 1 - Inquisitor Coteaz! Smite and Terrify, Warlord w. Tenacious Survivor
• HQ 2 - a Xenos Inquisitor! Combi-flamer, plasma pistol and Psyker, Mental Fortitude and Smite
• HQ 3 - Tempestor Prime! Rod of Office and Power Maul

• Elite 1 - 6 Acolytes with Stormbolters and Laspistols
• Elite 2 - 6 Acolytes with Laspistols and Chainswords and possibly a Rack

• Troops 1 - 10 Tempestus Scions, feat. 6 hotshot lasguns, a sarge-type with hotshot laspistol and chainsword, a vox operator with hotshot laspistol and two hotshot volley guns, they all have frag and krak grenades and an almost fanatical dedication to the Emperor
• Troops 2 - 10 Tempestus Scions as above, only this time a pair of grenade launchers in place of the volley guns
• Troops 3 - 5 Scions feat. 2 hotshot lasguns, a vox operator, a flamer and the sarge has taken an expensive Power Axe instead of his chainsword

• Dedicated Transport 1 - Taurox Prime with Taurox Gatling Gun and twin hotshot volley guns,
• Dedicated Transport 2 - Taurox Prime with Battle Cannon and twin Autocannons
• Dedicated Transport 3 - Valkyrie Flyer with Multilaser and Hellstrike Missiles

Inquisitors are hard-hitting, but very squishy. By leading this list, they're really just there as a token splash of close combat revenge. Mind you, the ablative acolytes could be useful - maybe even more so if I'd realised I could upgrade their laspistols to bolt pistols for free. Damn you, confusing rulebooks!

The other arm of this Battalion is from the Tempestus Scions. Two blocks of ranged firepower, a smaller unit to pack into a transport and get up close, then some cheap and nasty Taurox Primes (what are those weapon options? They are absurdly powerful for what are essentially minivans) and a Valkyrie for speed and toughness. 

It's not that they need the transport options, exactly, as they can just drop from the sky if needed. But this gives me deployment options out the wazoo, including the ability to place the army inside vehicles to finish placing first. Finally, a cheap leader in the form of the Tempestor Prime to boost shooting, and we're done. If they do well enough, I may even buy and paint some. 

Deployment

I lose the roll to place our objectives, which means I get to pick the zones. Hmm - the Orks are close combat orientated, I'm fast and shooty, so I want a good, deep table to maximise the distance between us. I also know I'm getting first pick of table edge, so I try to sneak the objectives to favour the side I want. Bit of a flaw to this system, I'd say - I think there should be a roll-off for table edge choosing after placing the objectives, to prevent this exact shenanigan.

Hammer and Anvil - so we play lengthways, with a 24" No Man's Land between us. As gift to my ageing knees, I got myself a couple of wallpaper tables to play on, and lifted myself off the floor.

And a gift to the table, I got a lovely new gaming mat from Gamemat.eu - these seem fairly common among proper battle reporters (the ones who don't proxy with children's toys), and I can see why. It's a lovely print, with a great 'mousemat' material that makes it solid to play upon and easy to store. This one is the 'Sands of Time' mat - a badlands/desert print with a dry river bed, and it's a treat to roll dice upon.

Nice! 

Although it does highlight that I am very short on scenery - even a barren wastelands needs some more stuff on it.

I deploy my biggest mob of Slugga Boyz in the centre, just ahead of Objective 3, backed up by the Meganobz and the Warboss' retinue. On their left flank is the Trukk carrying the Shoota Boyz.

Further to the right, swarming over Objective 5, is the Runtherd and his Grots.

My guys pack into the buildings, mostly. One troop of Scions upstairs in a ruined shack with the Prime and Objective 1, and the battle-cannon-armed Taurox outside if they need to roll out.

Coteaz stands as far forward as he can, posing dramatically in the central ruins with his loyal acolytes behind him. 

And hovering over objective 4 is the Valkyrie, containing the smaller Scion squad, the Xenos Inquisitor and her acolytes, with the Gatling Taurox (Scion squad two inside) just in front. Let's take to the sky!

Turn 1 - Inquisition

My draw of objective cards gets me Advance (not just yet, thanks, there are three objectives in my deployment zone), No Prisoners, which is also a tall order in turn one, and Secure Objective 5, which is currently underneath all the Gretchin. Hmm. 

Well, best get to it - there's no way I'll capture Objective 5 this turn, but there's a slim chance I could at least stop the Orks having it. Dog in the manger, me. So the Valkyrie and Gatling Taurox get as close as they can, which leaves the heli right next to it and the jeep parked half-way up the field, conveniently by Objective 6. 

I'm out of range for psychics, so straight on to shooting, where the Battlecannon Taurox and Valkyrie between them take more than half the Trukk's wounds. Then the Gatling Taurox makes a nice mess out of the Gretchin, but their Runtherd's Squig just eats a couple rather than letting them flee. 

So that means the Orks can steal the jerry cans that are Objective 5, and I'm already losing! Hooray!

Turn 1 - Orks

I'm already up one Victory Point and I haven't even done anything! I love these missions!

My luck doesn't go so well when I draw my first cards: Blood & Guts, Assassinate and Scour the Skies. All these are technically possible, but I can't see it happening this turn.

Nonetheless, I am a little daunted by the firepower that's been thrown at me, so I decide to advance with everything I've got and close up the distance.

The exception are the surviving Gretchin, who stay let rip with their Grot Blastas and actually manage to take a couple of wounds off the Valkyrie - go Grots!

Prior to that, my Weirdboy has used Da Jump (brilliant psychic power - I can't imagine using anything else) to teleport the Meganobz across the field.

However, Inquisitor Coteaz is onto this kind of chicanery, and has an ability to order an out-of-sequence round of shooting at any unexpected visitors. For all that, the Acolytes' stormbolter shots just bounce off the mega-armour.

In the charge phase, the Meganobs make the long run (with the aid of a command point) and get stuck into the Gatling Taurox. Sadly, the Power Klaws whiff their attacks, and though the Kill Saws make up the deficient by hacking off seven wounds, that vehicle really ought to be scrap metal by now.

No objectives secured this turn - but I'm still one up.

Turn 2 - Inquisition 

My new objective turns out to be Priority Orders! This is worth a ton, but can only be claimed by my Warlord, Coteaz, and turns out to be Big Game Hunter, which means killing a model with ten wounds or more. There's only one of these around, the Trukk, and while Coteaz could probably nail it with his giant hammer, he'd struggle to get there. Plus he needs to deal with the Meganobs, so I grit my teeth and get on with it. 

The Valkyie spills its troops all round the Gretchin, and they scamper about to give them range on the Weirdboy. Elsewhere, the battered Gatling Taurox drops the kids off at the pool Objective 6, then limps forward, away from the Meganobs.

In the psychic phase, Coteaz fries a Meganob with Smite, while the Xenos 'Quisitor fries herself with a snake-eyed attempt. Which remains snake-eyed even after a command point, dammit! 

The Battlecannon roars again, and the Trukk is done. The Orks inside pile out of the front, which is very sporting of them - now they're in range of the Scions in the building, who promptly light them up fairly convincingly, leaving just three alive, who scarper cheerfully in the morale phase later on.

The other Scion squad and the stormbolter-armed acolytes chug away at the Meganobs, and despite a hefty application of ammo, knock a single wound off them. Whereas the Gretchin are butchered by flamers and hotshot laspistols. I also charge in to finish them off, and as the dust settles, there's just two left. 

Coteaz has also thoughtfully Terrified the Meganobs, so charges in unscathed. Bash, bash - down they go.

That Terrify spell was particularly damaging - you don't usually expect much from Overwatch, but these Meganobz were tooled up with Skorchas for that very occasion.

With only two Grots remaining, I'll never pass the Morale check, so my Runtherd unleashes his trusty Squighound once again, who promptly eats both survivors - leave nothing for the enemy!

This means that Inquisition scores First Blood! I also claim No Prisoners, having wiped out three squads, and roll a two. Three VPs - we're in the lead!

Turn 2 - Orks

I capitalise on actually having an enemy I can get to grips with, and my remaining forces (which has diminished to the Slugga mob and the leaders) making a sharp turn to the right and bearing down upon Objective 5.

The Runtherd quickly scrapers out of combat, leaving the Xenos Inquisitor and his acolytes open to getting shot.

In the Psychic phase, I have no need to jump anywhere else on the board, so settle for blasting the Inquisitor with some Smite (that he promptly splashes onto a couple of devoted Acolytes).

In the shooting phase, I open up on the damaged Taurox. By spending a Command Point, I actually manage to wound it with a Rokkit Launcha - at which point Kraken spends a Command Point to reroll his armour save and survive. Remaining heavy fire chips off another wound, leaving the Taurox with two left.

The Sluggas charge into all three units: Inquisitor, Acolytes and Scions, taking three casualties in Overwatch (in hindsight, I should really have left the Runtherd in there). They leave space for the Warboss to make it in too, but he may find himself surplus to requirements.

The Valkyrie was hovering at this point, so I was lucky it didn't end up getting attacked too.

With their close-combat numbers, plus the buffs from the Waaagh! Banner, the Slugga Boyz kill all the imperials before I'd even finished rolling my dice. That's three units destroyed in close combat (so that's Blood & Guts - I roll 2 on a D3), plus a character killed (Assassinate) and I'm back in the lead.

Turn 3 - Inquisition 

New orders! Overwhelming Firepower, which is probably doable, and Defend Objective 1. This is easy enough, as I've got a squad camping on it, and valuable, so that's nice. 

Coteaz and his acolytes move up towards Objective 6, joining forces with the Scion squad there, as the Gatling Taurox lurches back towards them. And the Valkyrie zooms over to the far side of the field, away from the defunct bodies of its previous cargo. 

I get locked down in the psychic phase, so it's straight on to shooting. Here, the Slugga boys take a reasonable clutch of casualties to Taurox, Acolyte, Coteaz and Scion firepower. And the Valkyrie impresses by landing a Hellstrike Missile on the Big Mek, blowing the tinkerer and his irritating bubble field up!

So I can claim Overwhelming Firepower from killing the Big Mek, but that's it for now. And I'm staring at what is still quite a lot of Orks...

Turn 3 - Orks

Two fresh objective cards for me (the Scour the Skies objective is still hanging around like a stubborn stain - much like the Valkyrie) - and it's an interesting draw. Secure Objective 5 (which is the grot-littered heap of barrels we've all been fighting over, that I currently possess) and Secure Objective 4 (which is in a building in the far corner, nowhere near anyone's troops). As well as both being within my grasp, having so many 'Secure'-type objectives puts me in good stead for the Steal the Loot bonus at the end of the battle.

The Warboss leads his Boyz and the Waaagh! banner towards Coteaz and the damaged Taurox, while the Weirdboy sits on Objective 5 to claim it. Beckoning over the Runtherd, he casts Da Jump to send him to Objective 4 - only to have Inquisitor Coteaz deny it.

Phew - this eats my last Command Point (can't remember where the rest went, but I'd been steadily munching through them to deal with various whiffed wound rolls), and probably keeps me in the game, as the Orks are getting dangerously ahead on VPs. 

Vengeance is swift when my Warboss makes a huge advance, followed by a long charge that sets up a clash of the warlords. The Nob with the Waaagh! Banner and the Slugga Boyz mob around the Tauroz, to finally finish it off.

The Warboss goes first with his power Klaw, and once all his attacks are done, he's inflicted five wounds on Coteaz - just enough to kill him. Unfortunately, Coteaz' devoted band of Acolytes is still at his heel, and they all leap in front of the blows to fall in his stead. With his return strikes, Coteaz smashes six wounds from the Warboss, who has no such ablative allies, and is left on a single wound.

(NB Throughout the game, we forgot the Tenacious Survivor ability on both Warlords. Let's just say they chose something different)

In the fight with the Taurox, the Nob insisted on going first, bringing down the Waaagh! Banner to completely obliterate the vehicle (what kind of banner is this?) before the Boyz get to fight.

The banner must have struck the promethium tank, as the Tauroz then exploded, killing two Slugga Boyz, one Scion and blasting three wounds off the idiotic Nob who did all the damage in the first place.

The Slugga Boyz don't get to fight this time, but they do consolidate into the unit of Scions, so they're locked in combat too.

So not looking great for me, but I am still sitting pretty on Objective 5 (there must be something fantastic in those barrels).

Turn 4 - Inquisition 

No new orders for me, so I get on with butchering Orks in the midfield. The Tempestor Prime nips downstairs into the Battlecannon Taurox, which heads off towards the middle of the field and Objective 3. The Valkyrie hovers off towards the enemy deployment zone, with Linebreaker on its mind. Can flyers claim that? I guess we'll find out later!

The psychic phase sees the Ork Boss smitten in short order. Which leaves Coteaz free to shoot, terrify and assault the remaining Sluggas with his acolyte, as the Scions retreat in close order. The Sluggas don't manage to hurt Coteaz at all, and he kills enough of them that the pitiful remainders leg it. 

I get Slay The Warlord! And also Defend Objective 1, which the loyal and lazy Scion squad has been looking after all this time. The field is pretty much mine, now, but I'm still behind on VPs and the tricksy Orks still have some cunnin' planz left. 

Turn 4 - Orks

Turning his attention from the Big Green, my Weirdnob is probably wondering where the rest of the army has gone. As the Runtherd scrambles for cover inside the nearest building, the Weirdnob casts Da Jump to send himself across the battlefield to the relative safety of Objective 4.

All I need to to now is somehow keep two wounded characters alive long enough for the scenario to end.

Turn 5 - Inquisition

I draw Psychological Warfare as a new objective, which is just irritating. With just two characters left, I can't get it, but I could have earlier in the game and therefore can't ditch it! Ah, if only I hadn't wasted all my CPs earlier...

The Scions and Battlecannon Taurox converge on the building with the Weirdboy in it, angrily toting their guns. Even though the Scions had to run to get there, they're in range of the shouty voice of their Prime, who tells them to ignore the usual rules and shoot anyway. Together with the Taurox, they blast the wretched psyker down, although it's too late to stop the damage being done - he's claimed that Objective, and the precious VPs that went with it. 

Coteaz and the Valkyrie hunt for the Runtboy, but he's too well hidden. Curses! 

No objectives secured this turn, and probably not much game left. I've lost track of VPs rather by this point. We're pretty evenly matched, I think, but I know the Orks are getting extra ones for claiming all this loot. If I could just... hold... on....

Turn 5 - Orks

As my Runtherd cowers in his building, awaiting the inevitable, I get a lucky draw - Area Denial. As long as there are no enemy in the centre of the board (and there aren't - they're all on the outskirts hunting me), I get a Victory Point - I'll take it!

More critically, I get to decide if the mission ends now. Despite using my last Command Point, I can't roll the required 1 or 2 - the fight goes on!

Both Turn 6s

At this point, with the Valkyrie bearing down upon the Runtherd, I concede that he's not going to survive this round of shooting. Sportingly, Kraken doesn't want to win by annihilating me, and so we play this out on objectives alone.

With his Valkyrie gaining Linebreaker, the only scoring objective in Kraken's hand is Advance. This means he needs to get the unit of Scions that have been cowering in their ruin all game out and across the field.

A quick measure reveals that the sluggards will need two turns to get across - if the game ends now, they'll still be in their own deployment zone.

In accordance with the rules of fate as I have always experienced them, the game immediately ends. 

Final Victory points

Orks: Secure Objective 5, Blood & Guts (2), Assassinate, Secure Objective 5 (again!), Secure Objective 4, Area Denial and Steal The Loot = 8VPs

Inquisition: First Blood and No Prisoners (2), Overwhelming Firepower, Slay The Warlord, Defend Objective 1 (2) and Linebreaker = 8VPs

Final total: 8 vs 8 VPs - a draw!

Confession Time/Lorker Room

That was a great game of 40k (and I should know, I have played three of them you know). Despite getting thoroughly tabled, the mission objectives managed to keep me in the game and certainly made a more entertaining challenge than just grinding away at each other.

Yup - a proper back and forth! 

If I were to refresh my Ork army (and let's not rule anything out), I would need some more Boyz. Properly supported, the Sluggas are brutal in close combat, but they are not durable. The Grots were an unexpected bonus - with a Runtherd to keep them in line, they can make some very decent objective squatters.

The Weirdboy was my MVP - being able to deepstrike all over the table gave me some badly-needed mobility.

The Gatling Taurox was mine. The threat of all that firepower meant it attracted a lot of attention and somehow scraped through long enough to save other, squishier targets. Although all it really killed were some Gretchin and Slugga Boyz, it more than paid for itself by protected lesser targets. 

Coteaz did very well too - not so much the other Inquisitor, who was just too easily bashed to death by a huge pile of Orks. Still, my own fault, that. Don't run a shooty army up close to a melee army, is possibly the take-home point from that seminar.

I could probably save points by cutting down on the Warboss' retinue - the Waaagh! Banner is a must-have, but the Big Mek can probably be saved for bigger games. The poor Meganobz never really got a chance to shine, but that was their misfortune for encountering the Coteaz himself.

I'll have to look into getting some guns that can actually achieve something other than loud noise - Tankbustas or Lootas, perhaps. Or maybe just paint up my Battlewagon into the real thing.

Oh dear. I'm probably going to have to buy some Start Collecting boxes - these fast, flexible stormtroopers were too much fun. Sigh.

Still, we had a good scrap and ended up with the loot - that's a win by any orkish standards!