Friday, 1 December 2017

Christmas is Coming

My ass is getting fat
Please put a bolt round 
Through the old man's hat

Oh, happy days! 'Tis Woffvent once again, and thus some daily seasonal posting.

Between us, Stylus and myself cooked up an Advent painting challenge. We'd make you the offer of playing along at home, but you'd need a very specific model collection to do it.

Ours, namely, for the deal is that we're trying to clear the decks, presumably so we can put holly and shit all over them.

I, Stylus, would say this ever-increasing Advent challenge is crazy, but I'm way behind on my leadpile taxes, and I need something dramatic to finish the year in credit.

Each day, one of us gets a roll on the random tables below, and that tells us what we've got to have finished and posted in two days time. Well, four, really, we were feeling intimidated generous, so we gave ourselves a little lead time.

(as well as a little 'lead' time ... that doesn't work unless you can hear me saying it, but trust me, it's a cracking pun)

There's a Nice List and a Naughty List for each of us, and it's all the kind of stuff we've got cluttering up our hobby in-trays at home. A selection of exceptional models that you really can't wait to slap paint on, usually single ones that you could feasibly do in a night, for the Nice List.

For the Naughty List, a bunch of terrible gruel that you'd rather play solitaire than wade through, units of chaff and the kind of junk that might ordinarily take you a whole week.

I don't want to hurt the feelings of my Naughty List - there are some lovely sets in there - but yes, it's the only way I'm going to paint dungeon doors other than at gunpoint.

Then, because we're competitive and ridiculous, we made a bunch of extra rules up to keep it complicated and confusing.

So, every time you manage a post on schedule, you earn a Command Point. Just like 40K! And we're starting with 3 each. Even more like 40K, you can burn them on stratagems:

Image result for 40k stratagems

New Orders (1 CP) = Re-roll the number that has just been issued

Paint and Hold (1 CP) = Gain two numbers at once, rather than one (to get a head start on the next one)

Auspex Scan (2 CPs) = Discard the issued number and choose one of your own

--- Bonus stratagems ---

Lick the Brush (1CP) = The finest of tips produces the insanest details. All your models count as having perfect eyes for the next round, although you take one mortal wound from paint ingestion

Recidivism (1CP) = Apply one thick basecoat and don't feel bad about it

Sweat Shop (2 CPs) = The Krakenettes perform all your basecoating for the day. Relax with coffee and gingerbread, but be prepared to accept pink space marines

Blind Faith(2CPs) = You are permitted to believe that you will not purchase any new miniatures until your existing ones are painted. Lasts until the next Saturday pre-order

Always Paints First(3CPs) = All your models become instantly painted. You may declare victory and overturn any nearby tables as you do so

Exterminatus(3CPs) = Switch everything to square bases

The winner is whoever makes it to Christmas with the most Command Points. May the Paintiest Player win!

Here are our lists:

Kraken's Nice List

Massive Darkness Monsters! 
1. Ettin
2. Fomorian
3. Giant Spider
4. Hellephant
40K Crypt Angels!
5. A Sorcerer
6. A Sorcerer
7. A Sorcerer
8. Cypher
9. Grand Master Voldus
10. Terminator Librarian
11. Brother Captain Stern
12. Typhus

Kraken's Naughty List

13-15. Massive Darkness goblin swordsmen - 19 in blocks of six or seven, including an Agent and two Bosses
16. Massive Darkness Bridges x2
17.  Massive Darkness chests x16
18. Massive Darkness pillars x6 
19. A unit of original space Hulk terminators
20. A slaughterbrute 
21-22. Two 40K imperial ruined buildings
23. The catapults from Shadows Over Camelot, all twelve of the little buggers
24. A Big Tau Walker (critical fail result)

Now for my list. And I am not remotely concerned that I could easily find 24 different painting projects that needed my attention.

Stylus' Nice List

1. Aelf - Tenebreal Shard
2. Blades of Khorne - Slaughterpriest
3. Darkling Coven - Sorceress
4. Disciples of Tzeentch - Curseling
5. Empire - Leopold
6. Fyreslayers - Doomseeker
7. Gorechosen - Exalted Deathbringer
8. Night Goblins - Battle Standard
9. Silver Tower - Gaunt Summoner
10. Slaves to Darkness - Darkoath Chieftain
11. Skaven - Deathrunners
12. Thousand Sons - Exalted Sorcerer

Stylus' Naughty List

13. Astra Militarum - Infantry Squad
14. Goblins - Spear Chukkas
15. Last Alliance - Elven Archers
16. Isengard - Uruk-hai Scouts
17. Mordheim - Middenheimers
18. Silver Tower - Grot Scuttlings
19. Orks - Goff Slugga Boyz
20. Saga Dark Age - Ceorls
21. Shadespire - Garrek’s Reavers
22. Stormcast Eternals - Liberators
23. Wood Elves - Beastfriends
24. Dungeon Saga - Doors! Doors! Doors!

I, Kraken,  have the honour of kicking off, and I managed to get him finished yesterday. It's number 7, a Crypt Angels Sorcerer, and here he is:

"Fore! what I rolled. So, er, my smite didn't go off."

Now, he might seem a little Thousand Sons underneath all the paint, but the Crypt Angels are nothing if not entirely unfussy about who they reanimate. Will his brothers join him? Or will I roll something from the Naughty List? 

I'd like to say 'Stay tuned', but I've already gotten the roll, which kills the suspense rather. And typically, yes, I got the Critical Fail result, so I'm currently Tau Light Ochre to the elbow. Sigh. Christmas. 

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