The WoffBoot Chronicles: Orcs & Goblins

Orcs & Goblins

"...the members of two or three quite different tribes were present, and they could not understand one another's orc-speech. There was an angry debate concerning what they were to do..."

The Uruk-Hai, The Two Towers

On a mission to civilise the Old World,
one headbutt at a time...

Grom the Paunch

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34 x Savage Orc Big 'Uns
25 x Savage Orc Boyz
25 x Savage Orc Arrer Boyz
12 x Hobgoblin Wolfboyz
42 x Goblin Spears
12 x Forest Goblin Spider Riders
30 x Night Goblin Spears
3 x Fanatics
30 x Night Goblin Archers
3 x Fanatics
24 x Squig Herd

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Points: 6,000
General: Stylus

Battles: Won 11 / Drew 2 / Lost 12

Da Gargantuan Waaagh!

Grom the Paunch - Goblin Warboss on Wolf Chariot

"Strong of sinew, cruel of 'eart, kunnin' of mind, vast of belly. Grom 'as blazed a trail of red carnage from da World's Edge Mountains to da Sea of Claws."

Maverork, Terror of Da Skies - Orc Warboss on Wyvern

"Feared among da clouds, Maverork rides his faithful wyvern, Goose, right into da danger zone. With two confirmed kills (ninety-three unconfirmed), he remains the best aerial fighter in Da Klassic Waaagh!"

Grushnog Ironsplitta - Black Orc Warboss

"Wiv a will of iron and a choppa of ... more iron, Grushnog 'as forged da many Waaaghs! into da most brutalest fighting force in da Badlands. But da gobbos do annoy 'im a bit."

Bonekrunk Stonesplitter - Savage Orc Warboss

"Da Warboss of all Da Paleolithic Waaagh! iz Bonekrunk Stonesplitter. 'Ee got to be top orc when 'ee krunked all 'is rivals wiv 'is bone club. And 'ee got to stay top orc when 'ee split all 'is enemies wiv 'is stone axe."

Blacktoe - Night Goblin Warboss

"Blacktoe commands all da Night Gobbo tribes of Da Nocturnal Waaagh!, which 'ee rules by low cunning, wild squigs, and wearing the lucky toebone of a Black Orc around 'is neck."

Skullfink da Arkane - Savage Orc Weirdnob

"Skullfink da Arkane is da prophet of Da Paleolithic Waaagh! When 'ee finks deep and profound fings, da powers of Gork (or possibly Mork) flow through 'is noggin, and come out through 'is peepers."

Ragwort - Goblin Oddnob

"Though sumfink of a Stinking Ninny, Ragwort 'is favoured by Mork (or possibly Gork) as da greatest of da gobbo shamans. 'is spells 'ave proven to be deadly, especially to horses."

Shroom - Night Goblin Oddgit

"Da will of Gork (or possibly Mork) can only be divined by consuming as much fungus as possible. Shroom is willin' to take on dis awesome burden for da good of all gobbos. Until 'is 'ead explodes."

Spartacuz Steeljaw - Black Orc Big Boss

"After leadin' a revolt of Black Orcs against da Chaos Stunty slavers, Spartacuz went across da mountains to put 'is metal gob in service of Da Klassic Waaagh!"

Noggchoppa - Savage Orc Battle Standard

"Noggchoppa is da champion of Da Palaeolithic Waaagh! 'Ee krumped da mighty giant Nogg, den chopped off 'is 'ead to stick on da pole for all the ladz to see. It drips on 'im a lot."

Rokhamma - Savage Orc Big Boss

"Rokhamma is da Big Boss of Da Palaeolithic Waaagh! and acts as Bonekrunk's ~~lefftenant lootenant~~ flunky. 'Ee 'as da most warpaint of da whole tribe, 'cos 'ee iz a flash git."

Bigtrotta - Savage Orc Big Boss on Boar

"Bigtrotta is da Big Boss of all da gruntas and snortas. Da Nomadic Waaagh! was ~~subdoogated subjewgated~~ krumped by Bonekrunk and now 'ee 'iz in charge of anyfink wiv a curly tail. As a consolation, 'iz 'at is proper flash."

Little Grom - Goblin Big Boss

Grom the Paunch on foot - Goblin Big Boss

"Da Tubby Terror of Misty Mountain led 'is gobbos to glorious victory against da Ogres, and glorious defeat by da Stunties. Den an even fatter gobbo boss kicked 'im out and nicked 'is chariot."

Attakop - Forest Goblin Big Boss on Gigantic Spider

"Da forest litter is da domain of Attakop and his faithful steed, Charlotte. Few escape the crawling spiders of dis webmaster."

Little Guff - Night Goblin Battle Standard

"Torn from da standards of dere bitter rivals, the Half-Moon Waaagh!, Little Guff flaps da battle standard of Da Nocturnal Waaagh! and puts courage into ... well, no-one really."

Hopsplat - Night Goblin Big Boss on Great Cave Squig

"From dank underground caves bounces forth da fearless Hopslat and his trusty squig, Betty. Trespassers will be jumped on, eaten, or jabbed wiv a pointy stick."

Ramgut - Savage Orc Weirdboy

"Shaman Ramgut is da voice of Da Palaeolithic Waaagh! 'Ee can call forth da mighty powers of Gork (or possibly Mork). 'Ee also makes a fantastic mutton vindaloo."

Pigwaaagh - Savage Orc Weirdboy on Boar

"Shaman Pigwaaagh is da uvver voice of Da Palaeolithic Waaagh! 'Ee rides around on 'iz trusty grunta, Snowdrop, and calls forth da mighty powers of Gork (or possibly Mork), as long as dere ain't no dangerous terrain to cross."

Howdoo - Goblin Oddgit

"From da darkest swamps comes Howdoo and his own speshul brand of Waaagh! magic, involving little dolls an' pots of toadstool gumbo."

Dipstik - Night Goblin Oddgit

"Unlike da uvver shamans, Dipstik enjoys a more relaxed relationship with da Orky gods: he don't bovver them with prayers, and dey don't blow 'im up with Waaagh! magic."

Da Bone 'Eadz - Savage Orc Big 'Uns

"Da biggest an’ meanest Orcses. Dey fights wiv extra choppas to get in sum proper crumpin'. No uvver mob is as ’ard as da Bone 'Eadz."

Da Brave 'Arts - Savage Orc Mob

"Dem Orcses is da backbone of the Waaagh! Dey gets in a big solid mob and fights wiv spear and shield and choppa."

Da 'Awk Eyes - Savage Orc Mob

"Da sneakiest Orcses wiv da keenest senses, Da 'Awk Eyes stalk da grassland beasts and fills dem full of arrers. Dakka dakka dakka!"

Da Free Scars - Goblin Wolf Rider Mob

"Warriors of da Eastern Steppe, da Free Scars 'ave crossed da mountains to show da uvver greenies what iz best in life: sneak around your enemies. See them caught unawares. Hear the jingling of their purses when you ransack dem."

Da White Skulls - Goblin Mob

"Da White Skulls are da backbone of Da Diminutive Waaagh! Only dey ain't got no backbone. Or guts. Or nerve. Or strenf. Or dat many teef. But wot's left showed up ter fight!"

Da Incy Wincies - Goblin Spider Rider Mob

"Da Incy Wincies are the smallest and scuttliest of all da gobbos, relying on da big spiders to do all da bashin' and catch stunties just like flies."

Da Panther Caps - Night Goblin Mob

"Da Panther Caps are da bravest of all gobbos, as long as dey keep everyfink at da end of a long spear, and 'ave plenty 'a fungus brew to drink."

Da Scarlett Hoods - Night Goblin Archers

"Da Scarlett Hoods are da cleverest of all da gobbos, 'cos dey stays far away from da enemies and sticks dem wiv arrers."

Da Stumpy Puffballs - Night Goblin Squig Herd

"Da Puffballs 'az da best livestock to be found under da mountains. Free-range, trapped by experts and fed on only da best snotlings. Dey even gives da teef a nice polish before setting dem loose."

Da 'Am Fists - Orc Boar Boy Mob

"Da fastest and da smelliest Orcses. Dey rides about wiv da pork choppas, in one big rack, or two streaky rashers."

Da Streaky Wheelz - Boar Chariot

"Da ladz paint two stripes on da boarz, cos it reminds dem of streaky bacon. It's also called lean back bacon, 'cept when dey lean back, dey falls out of da chariot! Hur hur hur."

Da Smokey Wheelz - Boar Chariot

"Da ladz paint flames on da boarz, cos it puts fear into da 'earts of da enemies. And iz da ladz' favourite flavour of crisps."

Da Big Dart - Bolt Throwa

"Da Big Dart is an important part of keeping Da Waaagh! well fed. Anyfink skewered by da spears gets roasted over da campfire. If nuffik gets skewered, da crew take their place."

Da Pointy End - Bolt Throwa

"Da crew of Da Pointy End have some very unusual ideas about pointing da war machine in the right direction ('aiming'), but luckily no bolt throwa ever shoots straight enuff for dat to matter."

Da Knights of Shiitake - Night Goblin Squig Hopper Mob

"Da bravest, da boldest and da bounciest of all gobbos. Da Knights of Shiitake will roam da battlefield, looking fer jousts an' honour an' anyfink dat will calm down da squigs fer two minutes."

Da Dry Gulchas - River Troll Mob

"Da ladz found dese trolls chewing fish bones by a dead river. Bonekrunk offered dem all the elves dey could eat, and all the stunties dey could puke on."

Da Rok Band - Stone Troll Mob

"Walking da fine line between stoopid and ... stoopider, da stone trolls wandered down from da mountains and found a place in a Waaagh! Dey go up to eleven. Except dey can't count."

Da Squasha - Goblin Rock Lobba

"Da Squasha iz a fine example of gobbo ingenuity. Fings go up, and den fings come back down again. Da best part is when we runz out of rocks, da big bully Boddser can always load up da crew."

Da Coyote - Doom Diver Catapult

"It is da dream of every gobbo to soar as high as their dreamz can take dem. And if dey wears a pointy hat and smashes sumfink on the way down, it's all good."

Da Gonzo - Goblin Doom Diver Catapult

"Da ladz took dis boom-barrel from some stoopid humies - dey was just using it to shoot iron balls. We 'az made sum improvements and can now throw bat-winged loonies into da air."

Porcini - Mangler Squig

"Porcini is da playful squig. Will frolic along da enemy battlelines all night long. Always keen to play wiv uvvers. Likes stunties. but will eat anything."

Chanterelle - Mangler Squig

"Chanterelle is da bashful squig. Usually found alone, chewing on mushrooms and slow-moving handlers. Dislikes battle as too noisy and violent, and will smash up everything dead quick to get back to da quiet."

Busta, Da Big Green - Giant

"Busta iz Da Big Green. 'Ee prayed to Gork (or possibly Mork) to make 'im da bestest of all da orcs, an' when 'ee woke up, 'ee was da biggest. 'Cos biggest means bestest, dunnit."

Games We Play

Orcs & Goblins

Da Gargantuan Waaagh!

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