Zero Horse Power

What's this? A month where General Stylus has already posted a host of completed paintwork and I've done nothing? This can and will not stand! Quickly, Gustave*, bring out the Dark Elves!

I can once again claim to have finished this army. As before, this is a lie - there are still some odds and ends lurking in the dim recesses of my hobby cupboard, ready to haunt me at a moment's notice. But mere haunts they shall remain for now, I have other fish to fry.

Until then, a brace of chariots.

The Cold One Knight on the left has a big chunk of his head missing, although you can't tell from this angle. I'm still looking for it, but he needs some green stuff brain surgery if I can't find it. Good thing the model suffers from Stupidity, in a way.

The first is a Cold One Chariot, awash with fragile leather whips and ultra-camp charioteers.

Pucker up.

The decals on the side are a cheesy bit of cheating - transfers, from the GW Dark Elf sheet. I haven't used transfers in ages, and now I remember why. Losing them in the water jar, waiting for ages for the glue to soak free before delicately ripping the bloody thing in half as you try to remove it, getting it hopelessly crumpled round itself as you apply it.

And in the end, you have something that might be crisper than freehand, but that leaves a massive sense of shame in having resorted to such a crutch. Hey ho. I could always paint over it as a template and claim it was my own work. I'm a lazy, lazy man, though.

I bet dinosaurs really were these colours. And I bet the British Museum secretly agrees with me.

I'm quite pleased with the garish makeup on the crew. Also with their armour, which is painted to suggest they've used skin from their steeds. If I could source genuine aquamarine leather, I'd totally rock this look at all times.

Chariot number two is a converted number, courtesy of General Leofa. Using a White Lion chassis, this has had new crew and draft beasts added. This makes it that rarely-seen mount for a Beastmaster, the Scourgerunner Chariot, albeit with very lizard-looking horses so it can double as a second Cold One Chariot if wanted.

Once I get some black paint again, I'll go back and put the pupils on. Although blank red isn't an awful look by any means.

It comes free with the hero, which is nice, although for 300 points you'd expect some pretty good gear. This is sadly about half as useful, dangerous or resilient as a Manticore, the other free ride option, so I can't imagine many people using it often.

I always knew Annie Lennox was a Dark Elf.

Luckily you can take it as a lone chariot for half the points, which is a much better idea. Good, because it's a nice model. I like the monoflywheel look particularly, very unusual and striking. The Cold Ones are great, as always, as is the barbed crossbow on the side.

Good luck shooting to your right, mate. 

Again, the crew look like they'd be at home in a Pet Shop Boys video c.1987. But if Delves can't do high camp, I don't know who can. These guys also have armour trimmed from spare riding animals, matching those pulling the chariot, but I discovered they needed blue piping as the grey blended into their skin tones too much. And because Fashion Reasons also.

Painting Guide:

• Blue Bits - Watered Down Marine Dark Blue, washed with Nuln Oil and blended up through Teclis Blue, Polished Blue, Space Wolves Grey and Etherium Blue. 
• Purple Bits - Genestealer Purple, Drakenhof Nightshade wash and Lucius Lilac drybrush
• Browns - Rhinox Hide with a bit of either Tyrant Skull or Underhive Ash drybrushed over
• Silvers - the standard Chainmail-Nuln Oil-Drakenhof Nightshade-Runefang method
• Brass - Brass Scorpion, Agrax and a touch of Auric Armour Gold for highlights
• Black Dinos - Just Black Ink and Nuln Oil over the white basecoat, I'm still working without any black paint at the moment. Pallid Wychflesh and White Scar drybrushes over this. The underbellies were Flesh Wash over white basecoat, then drybrushes of Zandri Desert and Tyrant Skull. 
• Green Dinos - Scaly bits in Salamander Green with Nuln Oil and a Death World Green drybrush, underbellies in Tyrant Guard Blue with Drakenhof Nightshade wash, Skink Blue and Etherium Blue drybrushes. The stripes are Zandri Desert Yellow with Agrax Earthshade then Pallid Wychflesh edges. Same colour scheme used for the charioteer gauntlets, boots and jerkins.
• Elf Skin - Kislev Flesh, Flesh Wash, Kislev Flesh layering, Pallid Wychflesh drybrush. Druchii Violet wash over this for eye and lip makeup, with Rhinox Hide brows.

He drives a Dinosaur
From Naggaroth
The Matt Ward film of him
Has cast Tim Roth
He used to be in Bros
But now he's Here!
This Operatic Phantom is so scarred
He causes fear

And that's not all! A spot of Reaper, while I'm at it, to try and keep even with Stylus.

Dunno what it is, mind.

I'm not really happy with this, but I've been painting it since before I left for the 'Boot and I'm still not happy. Probably need to start from scratch with a new paint scheme. It's a Desert Thing, apparently, some kind of sarlacc-looking jobbie with a maw and tentacles. I tried to paint it to look as though it disguises its fronds as leaves, but it doesn't look right. Nor do the colours, which are a bad mix at the moment.

There's a horror film called Teeth out there somewhere. No idea why I mention this.

The end plan for this is to fit it into a base and use it as an alternative scenery plug in my citadel wood, for whose holes it is an excellent fit. But I need to rework the colours first.

 And finally, a teaser trailer for the next bit of work, which promises to be extremely time consuming.

*Gustave is my Major Domo. He doesn't exist.