It's beginning to look a lot like Civil War...
S.H.I.E.L.D. vs Avengers!
How do you know that Liberty is under threat?
When the vigilantes start to strike at our politicians.
Don’t get me wrong. America’s senators aren’t the cream of the crop. They’re small-minded, self-interested swamp-dwellers, peering out of the pocket of the Big TOP (that’s Tobacco, Oil and Pharma, Bugle Believers). I wouldn’t trust one of them to mind my beer for a five-minute restroom break.
But goddammit, they’re ours!
S.H.I.E.L.D. will talk about forcibly defending civil assets, but they mean kidnap. And if the Avengers decide to take a senator into ’protective custody’, you can be sure it will be one who supports the Superhuman Registration Act!
How long must elected public officials suffer the slings and arrows of these outrageous chancers? The sooner someone can filibust their bubbles for good, the better, says this pro-Washington Wordsmith!
J. Jonah Jameson
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S.H.I.E.L.D.
The gunline team will be commanded by Kraken tonight, and to rise to the challenge of their opponents, Black Widow gets a promotion and becomes Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
The rest of the gang is the same: Nick Fury and his limitless grunts, Winter Solider, War Machine and Hawkeye. They've already bested Spider-Foes and Web Warriors to get this far, so underestimate these mere mortals at your peril.
Team tactics: Battlefield Medicine, Defensive Prototype, Eye In The Sky, Helicarrier Strike, Life Model Decoy
Avengers West Coast
Fresh from besting the Asgardians, Captain America's crew will once again have to cope with being outnumbered. That might be a liability in a crisis with so many scoring points, and Quicksilver's cheeky Can I Borrow That? tactic is useless here, as senators aren't objects (no matter what they tell you).
With Scarlett Witch and Vision being a couple of powerhouses, the simplest tactic might just be pure attrition.
Team tactics: The Whims of Chaos, Second Wind, Can I Borrow That?, No More Mutants, Battle Plan
Deployment
Tonight's crises are thematically linked - in the sense that they sound similar. Riots Spark Over Extremis 3.0 is a simple secure, with the added perk of being able to heal up damage.
The extract crisis could be a little crazier: Mutant Extremists Target U.S. Senators! gives us six politicians to grab. As the S.H.I.E.L.D. team have enough bodies to hold them all, it's possible they could score 10VP in one turn and this game could be over very quickly.
The S.H.I.E.L.D. team seek safety in numbers, and group together down the central highway: War Machine, Nick Fury and his Agents, then a triumvirate of Winter Solider, Hawkeye and Black Widow (they're a long way from Budapest).
The Avengers spread out more widely, with Vision taking the western flank, atop a truck.
Scarlet Witch, and her Costner-esque bodyguard, Captain America, take the central path.
Doing burpees on the eastern flank is Quicksilver.
S.H.I.E.L.D. has priority, and we're away!
Round 1
Like a giant game of dodgeball, the round starts with a mad dash to the centre to seize as many Senators as possible.
The Agents race as far forward as possible, grabbing a Senator, followed by Nick Fury, who takes another. Hawkeye moves off the Extremis console to take a Senator, and Winter Soldier moves up the western flank to take a fourth.
Black Widow doesn't pick up any objectives, but joins the general advance to the centre.
Seeing the middle of the field swarming with G-Men, the Avengers are more circumspect. Vision, assuming his Enhanced Density mode, takes the Senator on the western side. Captain America scoots forward to grab another, then runs back to cover Scarlet Witch.
Scarlet Witch herself finds herself just short of blasting Black Widow (damn traffic lights in the way), so hangs back and secures the Extremis console.
The biggest excitement of the round comes from Quicksilver, who uses his Speedster ability to get into range of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents, then knocks them out with a Supersonic Strike.
The Agents drop, but with their Buy You Time ability, they are able to fling their Senator in a direction of their choosing,. It gets flung back towards War Machine, like a rugby ball in a scrum.
Having some gained some power, Quicksilver has enough to dash actions remaining to dash onto the eastern Extremis console, neatly out of sight from War Machine's guns. That leaves him without a target, but he does scoop up the dropped Senator.
The round ends with four Senators held by S.H.I.E.L.D. and two Senators / two Extremis consoles held by the Avengers. A draw is probably the best outcome for the Avengers, since it stays level, but doesn't allow Fury's leadership ability to come into play (wherein, if they're losing, he gains a VP for the first ally to be dazed/KO).
S.H.I.E.L.D. 4 : 4 Avengers
Round 2
Avengers take the priority, and with four S.H.I.E.L.D. characters lined up for Vision's beam attack, that's too good to pass up.
After moving into position, nearly the whole team are hit by his Solar Energy Beam. It's a mixed bag of results: War Machine is unscathed and Black Widow ducks away only slightly singed. Nick Fury is blasted down to a single point of damage and Hawkeye is immediately dazed!
To add insult to injury, the Sap Power effect means that many of these characters don't even benefit from getting knocked down (whereas Vision is maxed out for power).
For a curtain call, Vision throws a kiosk at Winter Solider, who also takes a bit of a knock, but remains on his feet. He was originally aiming for Black Widow, but Nick Fury's Eye In The Sky got her out of danger.
Nick Fury is next to activate, while he still can. He heals himself with Battlefield Medicine, summons in more S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents to grab the Senator that Hawkeye dropped, then hits Vision with Lead From the Front. The ridiculous dice rolling continues, as Fury dazes an enhanced-density Vision at the first time of asking (maybe this was 'Lead' as in bullets, rather than leadership).
Scarlet Witch is up next, having to move twice to get into fighting range, but then drops a garbage truck on Winter Solider to make up for it, dazing him and picking up his Senator.
War Machine flies around the corner of the portacabin, ready to unload on Quicksilver, but instead finds himself stymied when Pietro uses his Can't Catch Me ability to hop over the building and stay out of ling of sight.
War Machine secures the Extremis console, as well as holding a Senator, but is left without any more targets (ask Stark for some of those homing rockets).
On his actual turn, Quicksilver once again Speedsters his way towards his favourite target, the S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents.
He knocks them out once again, then runs onto the southern Extremis console and picks up their dropped Senator. If Fury is outraged at this temerity, he won't be for long.
Black Widow attempts to Automatic Pistol Scarlet Witch, but Captain America bravely jumps in the way - then wishes he hadn't as he loses half his damage. Widow follows up with a Widow's Kiss, and Steve decides to let Wanda deal with that. Surprisingly, Scarlet Witch takes no damage at all, but is at least pushed away from the fight.
Healing himself from the Extremis console, Captain America tries a Shield Throw at Black Widow, using her as a stepping stone to ricochet it into Fury, taking off his last points of damage.
That was a lot of dirt-naps being handed out this round, and the Avengers came out ahead, with three Senators in their possession and two Extremis consoles. Of the two S.H.I.E.L.D. characters still on their feet, only War Machine is scoring for them.
S.H.I.E.L.D. 6 : 9 Avengers
Round 3
The good news for S.H.I.E.L.D. is that they now have a lot of power on their returning characters and, with so much carnage, have regained priority.
Winter Soldier picks up a Senator and calls in a Helicarrier Strike on Quicksilver, who dodges out of the way, albeit at the cost of getting Incinerate.
He tries to follow up with an Assault Rifle attack, but through Quicksilver cannot dash out of range, he does slide across the bonnet of a nearby taxi, so he can benefit from cover. He once again survives the bullets, albeit at the cost of getting Bleed.
Also fuelled up with power, Vision sails towards the southern extremis console and KOs Fury with a single Synthezoid Avenger punch.
Hawkeye uses his Hook Arrow to fall back onto the southern extremis console, takes a Senator, and draws a bead on Quicksilver. There's no outrunning his Trick Shot, and he gets damaged and given the Slow condition (he's probably not going to enjoy that). The second arrow finally dazes Quicksilver, which at least solves the problem about all those conditions loaded onto him.
Black Widow blasts Vision with her Widow's Kiss, but his Rapid Phase switch meant he was now defending stronger against an energy attack, and he is unscathed.
War Machine remains on his Extremis point, but unable to get range into anyone else to affect the fight.
Scarlet Witch moves back towards the centre of the field, picks up a Senator and hits Winter Solider with a Hex Bolt.
Captain America moves off his point to perform another Shield Throw at Black Widow and - although there's no-one close enough to ricochet into (I think they're learning) - he does daze Black Widow.
Losing their leader was a blow for S.H.I.E.L.D. but with three Senators and an Extremis console, they managed to out-score the Avengers. And with priority next turn, they have the imitative.
S.H.I.E.L.D. 10 : 11 Avengers
Round 4
Winter Solider begins by trying, once more, to gun down Quicksilver. Pietro jumps over a taxi once again and only takes a few points of damage from both volleys.
Sensing that his days may be numbered, Quicksilver picks up a Senator and targets Hawkeye with Cyclonic Vortex. This triggers Hawkeye's Fast Draw reaction, where he can shoot Quicksilver first. This triggers Quicksilver's Can't Catch Me reaction, where he jumps back over the taxi for cover.
The final result of this is Quicksilver is left on a single point of damage, with the Bleed condition, and Hawkeye is KO. Quicksilver uses the movement from his Cyclonic Vortex to dash away and shake the Bleed condition before he falls over.
Scarlet Witch finally gets close enough, with enough power, to really unleash. She hits Black Widow with a Cruel Twist, which is more than enough to KO her, and does so.
Wanda then floats onto the southern Extremis console and picks up Hawkeye's dropped Senator.
War Machine finally abandons his post to rain a Metal Storm on Vision, but he's back to his Enhanced Density and absorbs the hit.
Vision throws another Synthezoid Avenger attack with KOs Winter Soldier. He then picks up the bullet-riddled taxi and chucks it at War Machine.
With just Captain America left to go, this master strategist doesn't even throw any punches, just backs up onto the northern Extremis console to secure the win.
That was a rough end to a rough game for S.H.I.E.L.D. With only War Machine left on the field, even if the Avengers weren't already securing 6VPs, the game would be over.
S.H.I.E.L.D. 11 : 17 Avengers
Back at the Bullpen
They said it couldn't be done, but after a mere 14 attempts, I have made it to the tournament final! I think that, with the same methodology as a monkey with a typewriter, I have hit upon a winning combination with this team. They are flexible enough to play the objectives, tough enough to play attrition - in fact, the only team who can boast of that kind of performance are ... Guardians of the Galaxy.
Once again, my MVPs came from an unexpected quarter. Vision's beam attack was near-decisive, but I think the amount of attention Quicksilver drew far outweighed his threat (although he was an absolute nuisance and point-scorer). I love the spectacle of him running round and round cars to avoid bullets and arrows.
As my supposed star threat, Scarlet Witch once again underwhelmed. Kudos to Black Widow for pushing her out of range (which is almost as good as a Stagger), but Captain America's devotion to keeping her safe has the unfortunate consequence of denying her power. Cap himself did a good job, although his true value is in his leadership - being one of the easiest 'always-on' abilities and making all my superpowers cheaper.
S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't get much of a chance to shine - although that was in part due to my game plan. I knew how effective Nick Fury and his Agents could be, so wanted them gone asap. I think the central pool of Senators may have been a trap, since long-range shooters like Hawkeye and Winter Soldier could have done a job holding down the flank Extremis consoles. Whereas War Machine, as the tankiest team member was left out of the action (which was my intent).
We did wonder if Threat 2 Black Widow might have been better than the Threat 3 version, bringing Martial Artist and a longer move - but given that Natasha was clinging on in several occasions, she might not have lasted as long (and the Push from her Widow's Kiss did a job).
But that ends the semi-finals - one more tournament match to go!
Does S.H.I.E.L.D stand for ’Subpar Heroes Inevitably End Lying Down’? Certainly seems like it today! I’ve seen federal mail agents deliver more reliably than this shower of shoddy shamblers. If my tax dollars paid for these dirt-napping dum-dums, I want a rebate!
Jonah J Jameson
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