The Lure

I feel the warp overtaking me. 

It is a good pain!

You owe me royalties for that quote.

My natural choice in any given Warhammer game, I felt bad that the proper baddies (Warriors of Chaos) were under-represented in WoffBoot VI. I've got some money coming in from the advert I did earlier in the year (which is probably going to air fairly soon, one of the many reasons I left Britain).

And you know, tiny paintable men and stuff. Always a sound investment, right?

So I've been reading up on the Warriors of Chaos list, and trying to pick out an affordable selection that I can slowly build up over the coming years. By the time it's Woffboot VIII or so, I may even have

a) completed it,
b) painted it and
c) enough time to field it.

Or not. Either way, I'm sure it'll be a grand heirloom for my offspring.


1000 points doesn't give you much leeway. No Daemon Princes, for a start. And if you're going to field any Warriors or Knights, which frankly you ought to, they'll be small and attractive to missile fire.

Ha haaargh! I have a 4+ armour save without needing extra gear... oh, my arm's off. Bloody crossbows.

Having whet my bloody whistle* on the fields of Woffboot VI, I feel like I have a vague handle on what a small army needs. A couple of reasonably-sized melee units, with decent leadership either from banners or characters, a little magical support from some wizardly types, maybe a bit of missile, maybe a monstrous flanker of some kind, and everyone's star players - the light cavalry.

So let's consider my options.

Heroes/Villains

I could go all out on a Lord. I've got the models pre-bought, and it has crossed my mind. At 210 points before equipment, it's definitely all my eggs in one spiked basket case if I do. I might even go as far as a Sorceror Lord - I'd probably be ahead of the pack in terms of magical power, and he's no slouch in combat either. But it feels top heavy, and if I've ever learnt a tactical lesson in Warhammer games, it's not to invest too heavily in single models.

685 points? Sod off. Even if you have got the only decent base I ever did, you can still sod off. 

Back in the day when you could buy a Chaos Weapon and give it one random property per 50 points, and before you were saddled with percentage spends that limited your options, I fielded a Chaos Lord with a weapon bearing no less than 25 abilities. It could breath fire, rendered him immune to most damage and gave him an extra ten attacks. He never got to use it, because nobody went near him and he couldn't afford a horse. Lesson learnt.

That's him on the far right. He's a conversion of very early ilk (Heroquest retinue shown for period value) - he used to have a third arm and a huge axe. The arm was from a Tyranid warrior, the Advanced Space Crusade ones, and the axe was from Medieval Castle Lego. I don't know what I was thinking either. 

So I'm probably thinking of an Exalted Hero with a few magical items (110+ points), and a lonely chaos sorceror, probably on a horse (101 points). The other option would be a lone Hero with a battle standard, and I know exactly which banner he'd bear. Look up the Doom Totem sometime, I think you'll enjoy it. But that would require a new model, ergo money.

Either of these two are decent options for a leader.

I mean, a bell counts as a standard, right? I could change the flavour text to 'Everyone within earshot' if that helps? 

If I want access to the appallingly horrible chaos spellbooks, which I'd be mad not to, that sorceror will also need a mark of chaos. Slaanesh is cheap, but offensive to my way of thinking. Tzeentch or Nurgle are 20 points each. Yuck. I may yet think on here. Two sorcerors? Discs? Maybe. Maybe.

Chaos Horseror

When 80s Perms Go Wrong

Cowabunga!

A final, crazier option might be to go for a special character. Wulfrik the Wanderer and Festus the Leechlord are both great choices with some excellent abilities. I'd probably go 'counts as' and rename them appropriately, as I'm not forking out another tenner for single models when I've got some perfectly good ones I could use already (see above and below). Equally, though, special characters feel wrong for a Woffboot somehow. If we're even allowed them, I never thought to check.

Core

Marauder Horsemen are very high on my shopping list. Two boxes, weighing in at an already heart-sinking £32 (or whatever that is in Kronor). People speak highly of their heads in the forums, and I'll be thinking of having a unit of ten, probably with a few upgrades. Throwing axes, maybe shields too. That's round about 160 points right there, more if I fancy command. Or two units of five, one for each flank.

But I'm a cheapskate, and I'm already hunting about for options. Something I like about the Warriors of Chaos army is their slightly hairy Norse look, so I've been considering a Viking look. This also helps me sell the whole idea to my wife, who is ferociously proud of her Scandi origins.

Dwarf Wars is a good website for decent and cheap models (check out their elementals and magician ranges, great stuff), and here's a publicity shot of their Viking-style horsemen: -

Not great shots, but they look horsey and they're a bit cheaper. Maybe, maybe - hard to commit to pewter models without seeing them in the flesh first. And let's not question our flesh for wanting to remain flesh while we're at it.

Look how he glares at me... If he wasn't fathered by the black ram in the full of the moon my name is not Ragnar. 

The Chaos Warrior box set is pretty much a cert, partly for the modelling options and spare parts, but partly because they're iconic. The box builds twelve, making a unit that can easily cost 250 points with command and marks and so on, so I don't think I'd need more.

Where have all my points gone? Cripes. Almost 2/3 done, and I've got around 23 models or so. Bring out the fodder.

Love and Hate are two horns on the same goat.
Both horns are available on this multi-part sprue.

Cue the Hammer of the Gods plastic range. This box set of plastic Vikings, tricked out with a few spare options from whatever Chaos boxes I buy and some GW bases, ought to give me some massive units of Marauder joy. And at $20 for 32 models, it's a steal.

So I ordered two.

Even coming from America, including postage (but possibly not import duty, I'm not sure what Sweden does about that), it's less than £40. And it allows me to consider a unit of 64 marauders, say with shields, light armour, command and the Mark of Tzeentch. For 420 points, fodder with 5+ ward saves. Stuff the chaos warriors, frankly. If I field this, it would be in the style of Clan Slavish, a hoard of screaming loonies coming down the middle with too many ranks to break.

Then Let the Crabs be Cursed by Odin!

I probably won't, though - maybe two smaller units, though. Maybe one with the Khornate mark and flails. Easily enough to upset people expecting a tiny chaos army, and they aren't bad in a scrap either.  WS4, I4 and lots of ranks? Plus rerolls on panic, fear and terror. We'll see. If I'm feeling very cheaty (especially given my previous rants on this topic) I might try and claim they were warriors after all. Only if they're properly converted, though.

I've already got some decent champion types, if not Exalted Heroes, so no need to spend more there: -

Original bearer of the cursed axe 'Woe'.
He's holding it the wrong way up, look.

Bonus points if you remember my name from Firetop!
(without looking at the wiki)

Specially Rare

That's probably going to be it, really. But it's good to have options, which my collection of mewling abberations affords me. What kind of Chaos army would it be without spawn?

I see you

I also see you

I cannot see but it won't help you any

I'm very tempted by a unit of knights, mostly for the models and the options. Those shields alone are amazing. I can't fit them into this army, though, just five without command is 200 points, and despite their savage armour saves and fearsome charges, I think they'd end up full of cannon fire and Thundertusks even if you Nurgle them up a touch.

1+ Armour Saves - less effective than you think

Same goes for the wonderful Hellcannon option, although I'm much more tempted by that - firepower and silly rules in one glorious package. I like the one where it eats all the crew, then pointlessly vomits them up.

If I suddenly become rich (I've got years to build this lot, after all) I'd get the two-pack of GW spawn. Purely for spare parts and conversions, I'm swimming in spawn already. Almost literally, ask Mrs Kraken.

Spare Paaaaaarrrrts

What would I make? Well, a unit of Forsaken for their appalling attacks statistic (d3+1) would be expensive but hilarious. You can't currently buy any. That's a typical low-down GW trick, that, putting stuff with great stats or options in the book, then not releasing models for them (e.g. skaven slaves, or the Chaos Warshrine, something else I'd strongly consider) to force you to make costly conversions.

More on this at a later date, but it would make a good warshrine I think. 'Raging Heroes' is the site.

Pricey

I did, in all honesty, consider the GW Chaos starter box set. £65 for five knights, 12 Warriors, 20 Marauders and 10 Hounds, that's a solid 1000 points right off.

But 10 hounds? What am I going to do with that garbage? Well, okay, they're nice models. And I'd get all the spare bits I'm after to turn my Vikings extra spiky. But it's a hell of a lot of cash, and that's the major sticking point.

My biggest fear is already that the vikings will be way off-scale with GW products, which will limit conversions. I mean, realistically scaled swords? They already look like bread knives. Plus I'll need to buy proper bases for them all. That's going to add, what, £13000 to the overall total once I've factored in flock and miniature pebbles and magnets and actual scale insects and all the other garbage everyone puts on these days. All right, I admit it, I've been wrong about bases all these years. Time to face up to it and make amends.

But other priorities aplenty first, not least of which is getting more regular work. I'll stick with the Viking Tide for now. Pipe dreams of distant glory await.

He was the happiest Spawn of all.

* Mixed metaphors are allowed in Chaos Armies on account of mutations, etc.