Savage Orc Tournament, Day #2: Fools Rasher In

vs Ogres 

This was more promising, Skullfink thought. Ogres weren't like those other sneaky armies: they got stuck in for proper bashing, orc-style. He was so pleased to see the brutish mobs lumbering towards them, he dropped the Foot of Gork on the Ironguts as a welcome.

The surviving Ironguts took fright at this, but just to show there were no hard feelings, the other ogres responded with a couple of cannonballs that peppered the boarboyz and felled a few Big 'Uns. Marvellous fun!

After the formalities were over, it was time to get to the real business of the day. Da Bone 'Eadz were set to dance with the Bruiser-led Bulls, and Skullfink would hate to arrive underdressed. With a swift prayer to Gork, he acquired a pair of monstrous fists that fitted over his mitts like outsize gloves.

The Big 'Uns crashed into the Bulls and started thumping away. Skullfink's massive fists wielded a pair of delicate fencer's blades (long-since looted from an elf corpse) to cut a bloody swathe through their enemies. To his left, a unit of boarboyz also tried to charge down the cannon-wielding ogres, only to disappear in a cloud of grey smoke, leaving only the smell of gunpowder and barbecued pork.

What remained of the ogres quickly gave up the fight and were run down, but Skullfink did not have to look far for more dancing partners. The rhinox-driven cannon smashed into their front, just as the recently-rallied Ironguts thumped into their side.

In a frenzy of attacks, the savage orcs beat down and chased off both units, before calling down Gork's wrath to crush the remaining Leadbelchers.

Skullfink lifted his ramhorn helmet and wiped the sweat from his brow. Now that was a battle!

Savage Orc Tournament, Day #1: Ham Fisted

Vs Daemons of Khorne

Bigtrotta rocked back comfortably on the saddle of his boar, Gumpdrop. He had managed to slip away from that over-cautious shaman, Skullfink, and gathered enough of the lads together for some proper bashing.

Across the field, the blood-red daemons gnashed their pointy teeth in barely-contained anticipation of the slaughter. Bigtrotta vaguely remembered Skullfink warning him about how dangerous red daemons could be, and how they had annihilated another Waaagh! not so long ago.

But that didn't matter, since these surely couldn't be the same red-bellied combat monsters with chariot-driven cannons. What were odds of that happening?

"'Ere they come!" warned Pigwaaagh, a lesser shaman who had been sent by Skullfink to spy on his boarboyz. Bigtrotta looked and, sure enough, a host of the red devils were advancing towards them, led by what appeared to be a monstrous hound.

"Right ladz, let's get started," Bigtrotta dug in his heels, but before his mount could put forward one trotter, it abruptly stopped. Bigtrotta turned around to see one of the other boars had started biting on Gumdrop's tail. He punched the impudent pig on the snout, then added another punch for its owner. All the other boarboyz joined in with the squabble, the horde of daemons quite forgotten.

That old familiar feeling....

WoffBoot VIII

“Nanny knows best.”

	VsWoC	Vs DoC	Vs DE	Vs Lz	Vs SO	Vs OK	TOTAL
Chaos Warriors	-	2	17	7	15	18	59
Daemons	18	-	9	12	15	4	58
Dark Elves	3	11	-	18	10	16	58
Lizardmen	13	8	2	-	14	18	55
Savage Orcs	5	5	10	6	-	15	41
Ogres	2	16	4	2	5	-	29

Storm and Calm

Odeou chuckled to himself.

The campsite was carnage. He could hear the screams from his hiding place, a good couple of miles distant. Sinister lightnings flickered from low clouds, underlit in the night by burning tents. Shadows flickered along the sides of the valley as warmachine and wizard alike erupted with the pent-up violence that had simmered all along under the unnatural misery his generals had laboured under.

He could hear the shrill keening of witch elves, ululating as they slaughtered. And the presence of demons sent flickering shudders up his back. The gods were watching, all right. He could almost see their faces in the thunderheads.

In his lap, the frozen tears were slowly sliding back together. It was too soon to say exactly whose brow they might adorn. Odeou had his hopes, though.

Hunchbacked and bitter though he was, he was still kin to the greenskins. The primitive tribal orcs he'd recruited were hopelessly outmatched in the thick of the melee, despite their brutal strength. The other generals might be unwinding after months of repression, but they still had some elegance, some finesse in their violence. The orcs were killing each other as often as they killed anything else.

Odeou just hoped there would be enough of them left over to finish the Grey.

Big Stabbas, Big Finish

And so the Savage Orc Waaagh! is complete. I have painted and converted every unit I wanted, and it's all been done by the WoffBoot deadline.

Except, except, except...

I still have three models remaining from my original leadpile (four models, if you include impulse purchases):

• A musician (I already have four of the same)
• A standard bearer (two of the same)
• A shaman (one other, plus I don't need any more Big Waaagh! magic)
• A big boss (unique, but if I did need extra characters, they wouldn't look so skippy)

Look who's in the Reject Bin: the Raggy Dolls of my Savage Orcs.

Now, a rational person might just pop them on eBay (or back into the leadpile), declare the army finished and be quite glad about it. But I promised myself at the start of this project (in the heady days of September 2012) that I would use each and every model I had amassed, so rationality was going for a Burton.

Also I realised that, despite having a fairly hefty Savage Orc army, I lacked their new unit upgrade: the Big Stabba.

Clippers out.

Da Dry Gulchas

Trolls!

Not the bad kind that make opprobrious comments on the internet; but the good kind, who chew your legs off and spew corrosive vomit. Who doesn't love a troll?

I already have half a dozen of the old metal Stone Trolls, so you could argue that my troll needs are well-catered for. However, when I saw a complete set of old metal River Trolls, erroneously titled 'Swamp Trolls' (and thus finding no other bidders), I had to pounce.

Not pictured: Swamp Trolls

Easter Egg

Happy Easter! In keeping with religious observance, here are some pictures of Space Marines.

That tub raid the other day netted a few other abandoned projects and forgotten minis. These Black Templar Sword Brethren chief among them - one got done last summer, the rest have been partially done or in undercoats for years. My original plan was to do them in patriotic Red, White and Blue for some reason. So glad I abandoned that. UKIP doesn't need power armour.

I bought the set because I liked the models; painting actual Black Templars was never going to be my cup of tea. Reason being painting things in White and Black is a) boring and b) really hard to do well. Hence the FantaMarine here. 

Blue-green is supposed to be a good complementary colour for orange, according to old school wisdom. I couldn't actually find a canon chapter with bright orange armour, so I don't know who he's really with. 

I can already hear the Clannad theme...

This may be rumour mill hokum, but it certainly ties in with the idea that Wood Elves are the next fantasy release, maybe as early as May...

An artist has previewed some commissioned work, including this piece for GW:

"It's not the men we fear, sir. It's the evil spirits."

Very characterful piece, and nice to see Empire troops getting a pasting (I prefer Wood Elves as spiteful neutrals, rather than forest-dwelling hippies). Aside from the usual suspects, could there be some clues about the new units:

• A decent Treeman model? (desperately needed, in my view)
• Another Orion model? (probably not, although he's never been useful in the rules. A properly sylvan-looking Ariel model would be more welcome)
• Most importantly - Stag Cavalry? (huzzah!) Is this a new look for the Wild Riders? Given the fashion for dual kit plastics, is there going to be a Wild Rider/Stag Rider combo? (although surely you can't just include head swaps for stags and horses and expect them to look right).
• My preference would be for a Monstrous Cavalry option, not least because 1) I hate the current 'moose' great stag model, 2) I still plan to paint up my 3rd edition Elf Knights as Wild Riders.

All very exciting. With Dwarves and Wood Elves getting a refresh in 2014, I may have to put the greenskins on hiatus for a while...

Out with the New, in with the Old

Seeing Stylus's recent updating of his Savage Orcs got me mulling over some of my own previous painting crimes. I'd also run out of new models to paint (and hobby budget for the year), so I went through some of my old ice cream tubs to see what was stashed away in them.

These are the very first lead miniatures I ever bought. The minotaur is the actual first, from GW Preston (never lived there, long story), and although his paint job had been touched up a few years back, he'd had a recent run-in with my three-year-old nephew. Varnish proved insufficient to protect him from a few chips, given that said nephew rolls not dice but actual minis. After conclusively proving that he could beat a giant scorpion in a fight (the scorpion fell to pieces first), he was on the list.

I think my basing was supposed to represent stable sweepings on a dungeon floor.

Da 'Awk Eyes

"Da sneakiest Orcses wiv da keenest senses, Da 'Awk Eyes stalk da grassland beasts and fills dem full of arrers. Dakka dakka dakka!"

"Also, dey paintz a band across da eyes, which iz symbolic of the Empedoclesian principle of vision. Waaagh!"

Dakka! Dakka! Dakka!
(Twang! Twang! Twang!)

Thus I finish the Savage Orc Arrer Boyz, possibly the most enjoyable painting for the least effective unit in my army (that said, I hear Boar Boyz are supposed to stink in 8th Ed too...)

Losers

Odeou Shabapnup grimaced. It was no good, he just wasn't miserable enough.

Hard to admit to himself, but the hobgoblin shaman knew what defeat looked like only too well. And here he was again, staring right at it.

He'd been great once. Master of a mighty collection of tribes, his word had ruled the actions of what was nearly civilisation. Unusual, for his people. Usually they either served or were dinner for the larger or more organised creatures found out in the wilderness. But unique amongst the hobgoblins, he had forged something that was almost an empire.

Then the Empire had come.

The Red Falcons

Speaking of army lists, here's what I'd pick for the defence of Rotefalk!

The Grey, a Battle Wizard @289 points, with

• Level 4 Lore of Shadows
• Barded Warhorse
• Power Scroll
• Dispel Scroll

Marshall Portrauber, an Empire General @168 points, with

• Pistol
• Full plate
• Barded warhorse 
• Armour of Fortune

The Grandmaster of the Rotefalk Riders, a Grand Master @161 points, with

• Great weapon

Sergeant Cash, a Captain of the Empire @155 points, with

• Battle Standard Bearer
• The Griffon Standard
• Handgun
• Heavy armour
• Shield

The Red Falcon, Bright Battle Wizard @80 points, with

• Sceptre of Stability

Master Gunner Jorgun Grise, a master engineer @85 points, with

• Hochland Long Rifle

Rev. Lukas Tochblauster, a Warrior Priest @70 points, with

• Enchanted Shield

Septon Gervase, a Warrior Priest @65 points

Bodo Scharfricht, a Witch Hunter @80 points, with

• Ruby Ring of Ruin
• Brace of Pistols

The Falconeers, a unit of 50 Halberdiers @740 points, with

• Shields
• Full Command
• A Detachment of 20 Crossbowmen
• A Detachment of 20 Handgunners

The Rotefalk Riders, a unit of 15 Empire Knights @360 points, with

• Full Command

The Red Portcullis, a unit of 20 Greatswords @405 points, with

• Full Command
• Lichbone Pennant
• 2 Detachments of 10 archers each

Ermintrude, a Great Cannon @120 points

Meinhilde, a Great Cannon @120 points

Roswitha, a Mortar @100 points

TOTAL - 2998

You could consider this a 'historical' list - no scouts or outriders, as per the fluff, and plenty of characters that would be propping up the bar in the Wyrdfire. I haven't really checked it through carefully, so please keep me honest if you spot flagrant rules avoidance or spurious maths. I'm prone to both.

On the off-chance that this sequence of fights ever gets played, I'd also suggest that one-shot items in this list are gone once they're used and not replenished; also that once the spells are rolled in the first match only and persisted with afterwards. 

These are suggestions, of course, I'm sure it would be tough enough just getting through six back-to-back battles! 

Aim for the Black

Aha! I found those lists I wrote. For the sake of posterity/posturing, here's a closer look at what I would have brought. Pics once I've taken them, I've just cleaned the kitchen and I can't face my wife's smirking as I pose the tiny people just now.

Woffboot VIII Lists

• Tzeentchian Sorcery
• Lord of Khorne
• Marauder Hoard
• Shaggothic Horror
• Spawntide
• Riders (optional)

A – Tzeentchians

Chaos Sorceror – Level 2 wizard, Mark/Lore of Tzeentch, Disc of Tzeentch (190)

Chaos Sorceror – Level 1 wizard, Mark/Lore of Tzeentch, Gorebeast Chariot (255)

25 Marauders    – Mark of Tzeentch, light armour and shields, full command (280)

10 WoC - Shields, Mark of Tzeentch, St. Bearer + Gl. Pennant (165)

A Chariot - (110)

Giant of Chaos - (200)

TOTAL  - 1200

What The Flock...?

Pictured: dirt

"My new dirt arrived!"

"You bought dirt?"

"This is *special* dirt. From America."

"I can't believe you imported dirt from America."

"Well, where else am I going to find dirt?"

(sometimes ... it's as if they don't *want* to understand)

The Real Problem

Hours had passed by the time Cash managed to pry himself away from the Wyrdfire Club.

It was dark outside, the night clamped across the top of the battlements of Rotefalk like a shutter on a lamp. The torches on the walls looked pitiful, the sentries below them even smaller.

From a certain point of view, the problem he faced was fascinating.

The Rotefalk Crisis

On arriving at the Wyrdfire Club, the soldier handed his hat, gloves and overcoat to the strangely-proportioned flunky at the door. With a gurn and a wink, the flunky handed him his mask before vanishing his official uniform into a backroom. The soldier placed a shilling in the tip jar and donned his ivory mask.

While he was here, his real name and rank were irrelevant.  Here, he was Cash, and he could relax. He made his way through the heavy curtain to the Members' Bar.

It had been a long, hot day at Rotefalk Fortress. Trying to drill a largely rookie regiment into some kind of shape in the face of the crisis was beyond impossible, and the sticky heat wasn't helping. A large cold Genever and Fizz in a peaceful leather armchair was called for. But as he passed through the darkened passageway and into the main lounge, he stopped dead.

The bar was full. It was a small room, to be fair, really only to provide some semblance of a retreat for the officer class and a few select NCOs. For Rotefalk, a relatively tiny outpost on the far south of Blackfire Pass, that meant around twenty regulars or so.

All of them were already here.

The Green Arrows

"Wot is dis fing?" Tuk shook the long stick in his hand. The bit of string attached to either end wobbled. “Bit frail for a choppa.”

“It’s a bow, innit?” said Kosnaagh, pleased with the high-tech weaponry he had acquired for the lads. “Shoots arrers, dunnit?”

“Arrers?” Tuk scratched his behind with the tip of his bow. “Wot do we want wiv arrers? We should be krumping, like proper orcses.”

“Elly-ment of surprise,” Kosnaagh explained. “It is the last fing dem gits will expect.”

Tuk looked across the battlefield. The humies in the metal armour were advancing towards them with slow, steady steps. He had to admit, they probably weren’t expecting a big mob of savage orcs to stand still and plink uselessly at them.

“We iz luring dem,” Kosnaagh went on, “into a false sense of security.”

Tuk looked at his slender bow. He looked at his arrow made from twigs, a flint head and a few raggedy feathers. He looked at the thick plates of armour covering the humies from head to toe.

“Boss, I fink we iz luring dem into a real sense of security.”

The one with the unconvincing accent is Kosnaagh.

Savage Orc Arrer Boyz - they're no better shots than goblins, they don't get extra hand weapons to maximise their melee lethality, and as soon as their target is in short range, they'll want to throw away their bows and charge - in other words: business as usual for the greenskin general.